The Unsuper Heroes

EXT. MERCINON’S LAIR. STORMY DAY.

DARIUS (an eager, young assistant) heads stealthily towards his boss’s lair, which has traditional, ancient Greek style but has the architecture was designed to make the building appear haunted. Darius’s black cloak hides his toga, and the hood covers his face. Tension mounts until Darius trips on the stone path. He recovers himself, though his movements are less confident.

INT. MERCINON’S LAIR. STORMY DAY.

MERCINON ( a short, middle aged man who might be handsome if he was not so evil) stands on his beautifully wicked-looking balcony that rests next to his office, which consists of a desk, bookshelves filled with scrolls, and various strange items scattered about. Mercinon looks at the storm and thinks aloud.

MERCINON:

Look at them out there! Afraid of a little

wind and water! While they distress over

thunder and lightning, they have no idea

I have arrived and am ready to wreak

havoc! It really is amusing that they think

this storm is a monster; just wait until they

run into a real one!

(beat)

Who am I talking to? Myself, that can’t be

normal. And I’m still doing it!

There is a knock at the door.

MERCINON:

Oh, thank gods!

Darius enters. As he pulls down his hood, he sprays Mercinon with water spilling off his clothes.

DARIUS:

Oh my gods! I’m so sorry,

your highness!

MERCINON:

You idiot! I just came from a royal

bath, and now I’m going to have to

take another one!

(beat)

What is this urgent matter you wish

to discuss with me, Darius?

DARIUS:

Sire, as you know, I’ve been a faithful

servant for several years, and I’ve even

treated you as king, even though you

are not yet…

Mercinon impatiently motions for him to hurry up.

DARIUS:

Anyways, I hope you can trust my

opinions.

MERCINON:

Darius, do you remember what happened

to the last man who put a needless delay

in my day?

DARIUS:

Your hairdresser because he couldn’t find

his scissors? You fed him to the jackals.

(beat)

Oh, I get your drift. Well, sir, it’s your name.

It means full of mercy! If you wish to be

feared…

MERCINON:

I absolutely refuse to change my name!

I made a promise!

DARIUS:

I know, but your highness, your mother

is down in the underworld now. She’s

too busy having mead with Hades to

worry about-

MERCINON:

No! I promised her on her deathbed!

I will not change my name because

I’m afraid of her coming back to haunt me!

(beat)

Was that the only thing you wanted to

discuss?

DARIUS:

(hastily)

No! I thought we might release the

Menoreas tonight.

MERCINON:

Yes, the Menoreas could clean out this

hovel and give us an easier opening to

the capitol of this polis. After the

storm clears, send out the Menoreas!

Mercinon cackles evily, and Darius joins him. They do this for a good minute.

MERCINON:

I’m bored. You want to see if

my masseuse is available?

EXT. ORACLE’S TEMPLE. MORNING.

CYREK ( a retired but still attractively fit soldier) travels with his assistant, ORCUS (who is the same age but with a lot less attractive features and not as much intelligence). EST-a remote area with lots of green plants and a pathway leading to a small but nicely polished temple. Cyrek and Orcus seem to be stressed.

CYREK:

I still can’t believe this has happened

to us! Normally Chaos is such a peaceful

place!

ORCUS:

Have you told Prince Philoles yet?

CYREK:

Are you kidding? I could barely get

the senate to convene let alone send

a message to the capitol! Besides, do

you think he would have any idea how

to save Chaos from being destroyed by

a monster? No human knows how to

defeat it, so we’re calling on the gods for

help. The oracle will tell us what to do.

ORCUS:

Yes, I suppose it’s appropriate for the

senate leader to seek out advice from

beings more powerful than him so he

can save this land!

CYREK:

Actually, I wanted to stay and try to

protect the people of the village, but

when it came to vote who would see

the oracle, they elected me. Sometimes

I hate democracy!

INT. ORACLE’S TEMPLE. MORNING.

Cyrek and Orcus enter into the temple, which is lined with pink smoke. Through the haze they spot MELAMPIA (a beautiful yet intimidating young woman) hovering by her cauldron with a blindfold on. They approach her, and she continues to sway above the cauldron.

CYREK:

Melampia, it’s the senate leader, Cyrek,

from Chaos. My assistant and I have come

with an important question.

MELAMPIA:

Well, of course you have an important

question. No one enters for a cup of

tea or a pleasant chat!

CYREK:

Oh true.

(beat)

Chaos is overcome by a monster.

MELAMPIA:

The Menoreas, yes, they are the

several to attack.

CYREK:

You mean there’s going to be more?

What do we do? We can’t even handle

the one!

MELAMPIA:

I see a gang of heroes you must call

upon. They reside in the abandoned

smithery, just outside the village.

CYREK:

You mean…surely not! They’re the worst-

MELAMPIA:

They have the right powers.

CYREK:

The gods gave those idiots magic?

That’s it-life is officially unfair!

MELAMPIA:

If you send your soldiers, they will

all be instantly destroyed.

CYREK:

Hmm, so either they’ll save our polis

or they’ll die trying. We can’t lose!

ORCUS:

Be fair, Exelda is a good soldier.

CYREK:

She was good before she got kicked

out and started drinking. Anyways,

thank you for your time, Melampia.

ORCUS:

Wait! I just gotta know what’s in

that cauldron!

MELAMPIA:

Pomegranate soup. You may try some

if you like.

Orcus takes a spoonful and starts to sip.

MELAMPIA:

Careful, it’s got opium in it.

Orcus spits it out, and it lands back in the soup. Melampia tears off her blindfold and loses her mystical demeanor.

MELAMPIA:

Great! Now I got to start over! You

ruined it! You complete moron!

ORCUS:

You could’ve told me that before I

took a sip. I’ve got an important job-

I’ve got to keep my wits about me!

MELAMPIA:

Your wits? That’s a laugh! Do you

have any idea how long that took

to make? Ugh!

ORCUS:

Say, are you married? You’re really

beautiful…

Cyrek throws up his hands and leaves. 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s