The Unsuper Heroes, Part 6

INT. HEROES’ HOME. AFTERNOON.

Narcius is running around the room with his toga on fire. Exelda tries fruitlessly to get him to stop. Ditzia looks worried while Hypnos laughs at him. Narcius finally trips over an invisible Geekius, who turns visible coming into contact with fire. Exelda throws a bucket of water on them both.

EXELDA:

You know running makes it worse.

NARCIUS:

No, your nagging makes it worse!

Exelda glares at him.

NARCIUS:

I’m only kidding!

(laughs nervously)

HYPNOS:

Well, at least we figured out a faster

way for Geekius to turn visible.

DITZIA:

Yeah, this practice wasn’t a total waste

of time, just mostly.

EXELDA:

We got lucky killing the Menoreas. We’ll

be totally unprepared for whatever is

coming next.

HYPNOS:

You need to relax more. Who knows

when the next one will come? Could

be days or even weeks from now.

NARCIUS:

Guys, it’s in women’s natures to worry.

And it’s in my nature to be as strong

as a Minotaur!

He flexes his arms in a series of poses. Exelda shakes her head while Ditzia applauds.

EXELDA:

I’m the one with super strength.

NARCIUS:

But you are not an Olympic champion

and you never will be because you’re

not allowed to compete.

EXELDA:

Look, there’s a spider!

NARCIUS:

Nice try, but I know how this works.

I jump up and scream when there’s

nothing there, you all laugh, and I

die a little inside.

DITIZIA:

She’s not lying.

Narcius screams and jumps onto a nearby box. Hypnos lazily smashes the spider, and in doing so, he kicks Narcius’s box, which makes him fall. Exelda, Geekius, and Hypnos laugh.

DITZIA:

Are you okay? Did you hit your head

and get less intelligent? Becuase that’s

what I think happened to me…

Before Narcius can answer, a crash followed by some scream is heard from outside.

GEEKIUS:

It sounds like we’re needed.

HYPNOS:

You think?

GEEKIUS:

I always think.

They gather their things and leave.

EXT. VILLAGE ROAD 2. AFTERNOON.

The five find themselves feet away from the THE POINTS (who are three giant, winged, bronzed men with large, pointy noses). They throw heavy things at people.

HYPNOS:

I got an idea…let’s just forfeit and

worship them as our overlords.

EXELDA:

Stop talking like a coward. They’re

men, so maybe they speak our

language. Ditzia, why don’t you

talk to them?

DITZIA:

I gotta cry first. Somebody think of

something! Oh, I got it!

She starts to cry and flies up to them.

DITZIA:

Hi! I’m Ditzia!

POINT 1:

We’re the Points, and we don’t

care for you.

They use one of their golden feathers to tickle her. She laughs and falls to the ground landing on Exelda.

EXELDA:

Get her off me! I’ve got to fight them!

DITZIA:

I can’t move for half an hour.

EXELDA:

( to the others)

Do something!

NARCIUS:

I’ll get her off…of you, I mean.

The Points throw a barrel at him, knocking him out.

HYPNOS:

Woah, is he still alive?

(goes over to him)

EXELDA:

(to Geekius)

Can you lift heavy objects?

GEEKIUS:

Not well.

EXELDA:

Then go distract the monsters!

Geekius walks to them. They stop and look curiously.

GEEKIUS:

(very nervous)

So, have you guys heard of the

Pythagorean Theorem?

POINT 2:

No, what is it?

GEEKIUS:

Well, it’s a way of measuring triangles

without having to measure one of the

sides.

POINT 3:

How does that work?

GEEKIUS:

(relaxes a little)

Well, if you take the sum of the squares

of each…

HYPNOS:

(to Exelda and Ditzia)

They’re actually interested?

EXELDA:

I know Ditzia looks small, but she’s

actually pretty heavy…

Hypnos takes Ditzia aside and puts her next to Narcius.

EXELDA:

Okay, let’s see…They’re made of metal,

so what destroys metal?

HYPNOS:

Geekius would know.

EXELDA:

We live in an old smithery! What did

they use to make the swords? The fireplace!

Hypnos, you need to melt them!

HYPNOS:

I can’t make enough fire to melt them

at once.

EXELDA:

Hmm…Oh, we can use that haystack

and make it rain fiery hay from that

rooftop!

HYPNOS:

Ugh, I have to climb all the way

up there?

EXELDA:

No, I’ll throw you.

She puts him on an empty cart and jumps on the other end. Hypnos flies to the top of the roof and lands with a thud. The Points do not notice.

GEEKIUS:

It is helpful to know! If you need to

know what size ladder to use, just

apply this formula…

Exelda climbs to the top of the roof with a hay stack.

POINT 2:

Does it work on all triangles?

GEEKIUS:

No, on right angles.

Exelda makes it rain hay while Hypnos sets the hay on fire. By the time the Points notice, it’s too late. They catch on fire and wail as they melt away. The townspeople cheer and thank them. Narcius wakes up.

NARCIUS:

Did we win?

EXELDA:

No, we lost and they’re really

supportive!

DITIZIA:

Looks like this time they don’t

mind getting rid of the body!

The townspeople all scramble to collect the melted gold.

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