Ashlynn walked into a posh hotel lobby. The walls were lined with gold, and the walls’ support came from marble pillars. The employees dressed in freshly-pressed suits, and even though they had a lounge, everything was so spotless that no one used the furniture. Ashlynn dressed in a nice blouse and a pencil skirt, which looked nice but did not seem to fit in with the company’s ambiance. Tadd followed her inside, looking sullen but not like his usual sobbing mess. Ashlynn told Tadd, “Thanks for coming with me to my interview! I’m a little nervous.”
“Whatever,” Tadd replied listlessly. “I had to get out of that apartment. Everything reminds me of her.”
“You need new furniture,” Ashlynn observed.
Tadd’s eyes went wide. “No! It’s all I have left of her!”
“Whatever,” Ashlynn muttered. She walked up to the front desk and waited for the attendant, whose name tag said he was Jaime, to finish typing an email.
Without looking at her, Jaime asked, “Checking in?”
Ashlynn replied, “No, I’m here for the interview for part time gift shop clerk.”
Jaime took his eyes off the email. He looked Ashlynn up and down, and he made a disdainful face. “Alright. You must be Ashley.”
“It’s Ashlynn,” she corrected him.
Jaime seemed to not be listening as he looked for her name tag. “Right. Here’s your name tag. Go stand with the others down there, and someone will be by to get you soon.” Ashlynn saw a group of people in formal suits standing by a conference room. Jaime went back to his email without another word or glance her way, so she put on her name tag and went to where he directed.
Ashlynn stood close to the suited people but not close enough to be in their cluster. Tadd found a marble pillar close to Ashlynn and slumped against it. Ashlynn quietly thought out loud, “This is for the part time gift shop position?”
Tadd shrugged. He then noticed her name tag. “Why does your name tag say Ashley?”
Ashlynn told him, “My name defies convention. I’m used to it. I’ll know who they’re talking about. It happens at Starbucks all the time.”
“I can fix it.” Tadd brought out a pen from his pocket and went to Ashlynn’s name tag to fix it.
Just then, a suited man named Peter came out of the convention room. The suited people stood alert and ready to go. From Peter’s angle, it looked like Ashlynn was getting felt up by Tadd. Ashlynn looked up in surprise, and when Tadd noticed this, he quickly jumped away. Ashlynn joined the others, feeling really awkward and also out of place. Peter cleared his throat but made no acknowledgement of this strange interaction. Peter greeted them, “Good morning!”
Everyone but Ashlynn said in unison, “Good morning!”
Peter went on, “I’m Peter, and I’ll be conducting your first round interview.” Ashlynn made a face at that. She didn’t realize there would be multiple interviews for a low level job. “Will you please get into alphabetic order by first name please?” The suits scrambled to get in order. Ashlynn ended up being first, and she was followed by David, Harriet, Mandy, and Zachary. “Very good. Follow me.” In a single file line, they followed him into the conference room.
As soon as they entered the conference room, Ashlynn went past the desks sitting in a semi-circle and past the giant oak desk sitting in the front. Her eyes fell to a table in the center of the room full of goofy hats, and she had a sinking feeling about how this interview would go. Everyone sat down in the order they came in, and once they found their seat, they folded their hands and focused on the front of the room. Peter sat down at the oak desk and pulled out a notebook. Ashlynn already wanted to run away.
Peter began, “Working with the general public means dealing with all kinds of personalities…all kinds!” He obviously meant for that to be a joke, so the others laughed in unison like a sitcom soundtrack. Ashlynn didn’t get the joke and didn’t react. Peter went on, “Let’s get to know you guys. Tell me three interesting facts about yourself, starting with Ashley.”
Ashlynn had been so focused on the already odd circumstances of this interview that she had forgotten that they misspelled her name, so when everyone looked to her, it threw off guard at first. “Oh! Uh, well, my name is Ashlynn-”
Peter checked his notes. “It says Ashley.”
“I can show you my ID.” Ashley felt a little irritated, but then she noticed that Peter and the others gazed at her in shock, so she tried to recover a pleasant demeanor. “Okay, interesting facts…In high school, I-”
Peter interrupted, “Stand up, please.”
Ashlynn stood up awkwardly. “In high school, I won state finalist for a beauty pageant. For the last ten years, I-”
Peter interrupted again, “Project more, please. And, my dear, a little interviewing tip-smiling is important.”
Ashlynn twisted her mouth in what she hoped looked like a genuine smile. “For the last ten years, I worked for the Real Estate King. And-”
Peter commented, “The criminal?”
“He’s not a criminal! He’s mentally ill!” Ashlynn realized after she said it how that really did not help her case. “And I just reunited with my best friends from high school.” She quickly sat down before anyone commented on that.
David stood up and, in an overly cheerful voice, stated, “Hi! I’m David! I got a four point o in college, I got promoted to manager of a McDonald’s during my undergrad years, and my last boss described me as super cheerful.”
After he finished, Harriet immediately stood up and talked in the same tone, “I’m Harriet! I worked in retail for twenty years. I got employee of the week nine times. And, I like challenging myself.”
Immediately, Mandy mimicked them, “I’m Mandy! I graduated with honors. I am enrolled at an online business school for business. And, my worst feature is that I work too darn hard.”
Zachary finished in the same manner, “I’m Zachary! I retired from my role as youth counselor at a small church. My grandson owns a car dealership in Memphis, so he taught me all about the world of sales. Most importantly, I stayed at this hotel before and loved it!”
Peter seemed pleased with their responses. Ashlynn stared in disbelief. Since when was it custom to fight hard for a minimum wage, part time job? Ashlynn wondered if this company actually wanted to hire people were obviously trying to be transparent sycophants. People were putting an extraordinary amount of effort in a position that anyone could do! Peter moved on, “Very good! Such a diverse group of talent! I guess that’s why they say variety is the spice of life!” Again, everyone but Ashlynn laughed in unison. “Now, part of your job is to entertain our guests. So, I want you to tell me your favorite entertainer and why you picked him or her. We’ll start with you, Zachary.”
Zachary stood up and said proudly, “I like Gary Sinise because he’s such a hard worker!”
Mandy followed suit, “I like Tom Hanks because he is so nice!”
Harriet followed suit, “I like Steven Spielberg because he’s a good leader!”
David followed suit, “I like Shakespeare because of the impact he made on history.”
Ashlynn hesitated. The room stared at her stoically. Ashlynn stood up and stated, “I like Seth MacFarlane.”
“Why?” Peter probed.
“Because he’s entertaining!” Ashlynn had not meant to sound so cranky but stopped feeling guilty, even with the unapproving reactions from the room.
Peter looked a little taken aback. Ashlynn could not believe that this was a real interview. She also wondered if the company cared about honesty because there was no way that these absurd answers actually depicted their honest personalities. She hoped to see some sign of humanity or shame from Peter, but he cleared his throat and went on, “Now, for the final question…”
Ashlynn could not believe they only planned to ask them three questions. She also gave up trying to disguise her bad mood. Peter cheerily talked to the group, “Now, did everyone happen to see the table of hats?” Everyone but Ashlynn laughed in unison again. Peter laughed at his own joke. “Seriously though, I want each of you to pick up a hat, wear it, and explain why you chose it. Harriet, why don’t you go first?”
Harriet went over to the table of hats and immediately chose the hard hat. “I picked the hard hat because I’m a hard worker who’s ready to build her future.” She took it off and sat back down.
Peter gestured to Zachary. “Zachary, you next.”
Zachary went over and gingerly picked up and put on the graduation cap. “I picked this one because I’m goal oriented and ready for my new chapter in life.” He took it off and sat back down.
Peter gestured to Mandy. “Mandy.”
Mandy practically skipped to the table. She put on the princess cap. “I picked this one because I’m a natural leader but also very nice and sweet.” She set it down and basically glided back to her desk.
Peter gestured to David. “David.”
David hopped over to the table and overly-enthusiastically put on a baseball cap. “This one has the hotel’s logo on it. I wear this cap now as I envision my future with this company.” He took it off and sat down.
With much hesitation, everyone turned to Ashlynn, who looked like she was in a trance. She could not fake her interest in their replies. The air became frigid. They could sense her displeasure, and based on her previous responses and current attitude, they seemed nervous as to what she may say. Ashlynn’s filter was off. She decided to be honest.
Ashlynn walked over to the table and put on the witch’s hat. “This one is truly my favorite hat. Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, and growing up, I was a witch every other year. There’s a lot of fun memories attached to this hat.” Everyone looked uncomfortable at her answer. “What? Is it so strange to hear a real answer? Sorry for being honest!”
Peter defended them, “The others were honest!”
Ashlynn rolled her eyes. “Oh please! They regurgitated what Google told them was the best things to say at an interview! Is this what you want? Corporate shills who’ll lie and suck up to you just for the ‘honor’ of working here? Yes, I know, you want the right personality for the job, and that’s why you’re formally interviewing people for the very important position of part time gift shop cashier! Really? You’re not going to ask any of us about retail experience? Seriously? Ask me about my customer service skills! Ask me about my cash handling skills! How about computer skills? Job loyalty? I’m sorry I don’t want to pretend that I’m going to make a carer out of a job that offers fifteen hours a week and no benefits! I can do the job well, so if you’re looking for a person capable of that, call me! Otherwise, enjoy your company zombie that knows jack about working in a store!”
Ashlynn stormed out. The room stayed quiet, as if a bomb had just exploded. Before they could fully process the moment, Ashlynn burst back into the room, quickly put the witch’s hat back on the table, and ran out without making eye contact at anyone.
Tadd stared at the door to the conference room. Ashlynn stormed up to him but did not make eye contact. She was still fuming about the audacity of that situation. Tadd coolly told her, “I decided to wait to do my crying. I didn’t wanna make a scene here for you.”
Ashlynn checked back into her surroundings. “Oh, right! So, no crying here, huh? Well, that’s a start.” They started to walk out. As they exited, Ashlynn inquired, “Aren’t you gonna ask me how it went?”
“No. You stormed out in a witch’s hat. It didn’t go well.” Tadd’s mouth twitched a little. Ashlynn looked at him incredulously. All of her anger melted away. She was positive that Tadd had tried to smile for the first time in ages!