“What are you?” Carmen uttered without even meaning to. The thing in front of her stood seven foot tall and had rubbery, red skin. The head was bulbous, the eyes resembled a fly, and she had never seen a mouth so round. The creature, however, stood up straight, wore a white linen suit, and held a clipboard and pen. The watch it wore was the most high tech thing she had ever seen. Whatever stood before her certainly didn’t seem to be primitive or have any desire to attack her, but because she had no clue what it was capable of, her nerves were on fire. There was no doubt about it, this was a very strange situation! Despite the oddity of it all, she reminded herself that every surreal thing that had ever happened to her, like getting seriously injured, gave her the knee-jerk reaction of total incomprehension at first, but it was always followed by an autopilot-like mode where she knew the phenomenon must be dealt with. First, she had to know what she was dealing with!
Carmen had no idea how it would respond to her question. It didn’t have an expressive face, so she didn’t have any indication as to what it was thinking or feeling. She worried momentarily that she had offended it. Finally, it spoke, “Rude! Most people say hello when meeting someone new!”
So, it sounded male, and although he sounded mildly offended by what she said, his voice also conveyed a sense of amusing energy like that of a game show host. She apologized, “Sorry! Uh, my name is Carmen.” Out of habit, she held out her hand for him to shake. She instantly regretted it. She still didn’t know what he was and certainly didn’t want to touch his abnormally textured skin!
He shook her hand, and it felt like shaking hands with a basketball! He pleasantly greeted her, “Hello! I’m Zartex, behavioral analyst from the Universal Coalition.” He picked up his badge and showed it to her. It had his picture and name displayed as it would on a badge for someone working in a CIA office. Before Carmen could ask more questions, Zartex prompted her, “Please take me to your leader.”
“Seriously?” Prior to that comment, she had no clue what he wanted from her, but whatever she was expecting him to say, it wasn’t that! “You want to see my leader?” she thought out loud. Gosh, I don’t even know where to begin! I suppose we would have to travel to Washington DC. But you can’t just walk into the White House all willy-nilly! I guess I can call our congressman…”
“No, no, no!’ Zartex interrupted. “I’ve met the president, and trust me, once was enough! I meant take me to your leader. I’m here to learn more about humanity, and you were randomly selected for observation. I will be following you as you interact with various authority figures to learn more about human social hierarchies. ‘Take me to your leader’ is my little way of breaking the ice.”
“It’s kinda cliche’.” Carmen spoke without thinking again. Did she just make a joke? She was still trying to absorb what he just told her. It sounded like an intergalactic government wanted to watch her live her life like the way scientists observe animals at the zoo. That just couldn’t be true though, she thought. She refused to let it sink in.
“Hey! This is kind of a weird situation, how would you approach the first encounter?” Zartex countered.
Carmen was surprised to hear him call this situation weird. She decided to learn more about what was happening so she could mentally move on. “So, what is the Universal Company?”
“Coalition,” he corrected her. “The Universal Coalition, or the UC, is an organization designed to promote cooperation and order between the planets in this universe, kind of like Earth’s United Nations except that we can execute disciplinary actions towards anyone who breaks interplanetary laws.”
Carmen didn’t like hearing this information. “So, you’re going to follow me around because there’s an interplanetary order for it?”
“Yes,” Zartex divulged, “We found that humans are the least cooperative and tolerant aliens in the universe, so, in order to promote peace in this galaxy and all of the neighboring galaxies, we need to understand why humans are the way they are.”
“Kind of like how I learn about customers in order to turn a no into a yes,” Carmen related. “My god, it’s all starting to make sense!” She paused for a moment, feeling surprised at her comprehension of the mater. “Do I have a choice?”
“Of course not!” Zartex chuckled.
Carmen got herself out of the denial phase and began to start planning out this new obstacle. “Um, aren’t you going to draw a lot of attention to yourself following me around? Oh, a giant red being following me around will be great for sales!”
“Oh, hang on!” Zartex pushed a couple of buttons on his watch. A screen popped up and scanned his face. It made some whirring noises and poof! A cloud covered Zartex’s face and body, and when the smoke cleared, Zartex re-emerged looking more human. He was still seven foot tall, but now his skin was a creamy flesh tone. His head wasn’t bulbous, he had a nose, his head had neatly parted black hair, his mouth was normal shaped, his fly-like eyes were a normal dark brown, and he even wore round-rimmed glasses. “Like it? I designed it myself!”
“You could design any body you wanted and you picked this one?” Carmen reacted.
“I was going for non-threatening!” Zartex explained. “It isn’t easy when you’re seven foot tall not to scare people, but I found that people respond well to a tall dork, like a stretched out Harry Potter.”
“That makes sense,” Carmen responded. “The really tall guys at work have to make themselves less intimidating.” She then realized something. “How are you going to follow me at work? My job relays a lot of confidential information. It’s not like they would let a random tall dork join in unexpectedly!”
“Not a problem!” Zartex chirped. Carmen figured he had an answer for that but really hoped he didn’t. Zartex pulled out a set of silver stud earrings. “They’re spy cameras! And don’t worry, the technology is way too sophisticated for your boss or coworkers to detect.”
“I don’t have pierced ears,” Carmen pointed out with the gut feeling that he had a remedy for that.
Sure enough, Zartex pulled out a small piercing gun. “Hold still!” He pierced both of her ears, which didn’t hurt much but still made her wince. “I’ll follow you to ask questions when you’re out and about though.”
Carmen still couldn’t fully comprehend the reality of the situation. She woke up this morning expecting a normal day, and now she wondered if she would ever get back to her usual routine. He would watch her get ready for work and observe her during morning meetings. Then he would follow her around in the field too. She wondered if he would interfere with her sales! After all that happened at the moment, she forgot where she was. She looked at her watch and exclaimed, “Holy smokes! I need to get going!”
Carmen dashed out of the park and opened up her map on her sales tablet. She saw the street she needed to visit and headed back to it. She walked fast to make up for lost time. She could sense Zartex behind her. Zartex pulled out a pen to take notes and asked Carmen, “It says here that you do door to door sales, is that correct?”
“No!” Carmen grimmaced. She hated it when people used that term for what she did. “It’s business to consumer sales. We’re different that traditional residential sales companies, who hit random doors in random areas. We have leads.”
“Ah,” Zartex reacted, “So these are people have signed up for something and know you’re coming?”
“Well…no…” Carmen admitted.
“So where do these leads come from?” Zartex inquired.
“From Mirage,” Carmen educated. “Mirage is our mother company who manages the hundreds of branches we have across the United States and Canada. They take care of all of the back end business for us, like legal aid and accounting. They find our clients, who are the best services or utilities in the region. In our case, we represent Aeon Purl, the most advanced natural gas in Western Colorado. They give us the list of potential customers on this sales tablet. Our territory is determined by whose neighborhood hasn’t been hit in a while.”
“I see…” Zartex trailed off. “Actually, no I don’t. It still sounds like they pick out random neighborhoods, especially since the people only know you come because you have visited their neighborhood before. It sounds like Mirage gives you random neighborhoods and random customers.”
Carmen recoiled at those remarks. She knew that his words held a little truth, but her work was more meaningful than he was making it out to be. “We’re trying to help out as many people as possible. Most people have inferior gas and pay too much for it. We found people prefer the face to face approach to get information, so we do door to another door. Plus, we’re different than other residential sales because we don’t have to hoof it forever. We have fast promotions and become business owners.”
“So, it’s a franchise of Mirage?” queried Zartex.
“Sort of,” Carmen said. She got to the street she was working on, so she couldn’t explain more. She told Zartex, “I will explain more after work. This is my street.”
“I’m ready!” Zartex remarked.
“I wish I was!” Carmen thought out loud. Zartex raised an eyebrow, so she explained, ” I meant ’cause you were here! I’ve done this a million times!” Zartex looked skeptical but said nothing. Carmen already felt annoyed, and it was only the beginning!