The Unsuper Heroes, Chapter 11

Narcius lead Polyphema to a clearing surrounded by tall, sturdy trees, and after they stopped, Narcius instructed her, “Lie down here… beautiful!”

“Okay!” Polyphema flirtatiously giggled, and then she knelt down, swung her legs around, and gently laid her back on the floor. When she spread her legs, Narcius whipped her head away and muffled his gagging so she couldn’t hear it. Polyphema adoringly notified him, “Polyphema ready!”

Stocastin turned visible next to Narcius and whispered into his ear. Narcius then directed Polyphema, “Put your hands above your head.”

“Why Polyphema do that?” she questioned.

Narcius quickly improvised, “Oh, it’s a surprise!” She tittered in anticipation and complied. Stocastin whispered something else to Narcius, and Narcius then told her, “Okay, close your eyes! Eye!” Polyphema did that and then sighed contentedly.

Stocastin silently motioned for Narcius to follow him, and they both tiptoed towards a tree to the right of her head where the others stood. Exelda stealthily crept towards Polyphema’s hands while Akintos began burning the roots off of the tree. Polyphema started to grow restless and inquired, “What take so long?”

Narcius used his super speed to zip back to his original position. “Just warming up!” He dashed back over to the tree that now stood loosely in the ground. Kefalia flew up to a higher part of the tree while Narcius and Stocastin stood at the base. Polyphema impatiently asserted, “No more waiting! Polyphema want it now!”

Staying bye the tree this time, Narcius responded, “You’ll get it now!”

Akintos made a signal to Exelda by nodding as Polyphema inquired, “Where you go?” She opened her eyes just as Exelda pinned her hands down. She roared in rage but could not move. Kefalia, Narcius, and Stocastin pushed the tree down, and as it pummeled towards her, she let out a deafening yell and kicked her feet hard enough to make the ground shake. The tree landed on her face with a loud smack, and a brown liquid erupted from her body upon impact. The forest suddenly fell silent, and she moved no more.

Exelda met up with Kefalia, Stocastin, Akintos, and Narcius as they all cheered and celebrated. Once they got over their initial thrill of victory, they were all disgusted to see that they were covered in that brown goo. “Is this blood?” Kefalia exclaimed.

“Why is it brown?” Exelda added.

“My guess would be low oxygen or an iron deficiency,” Stocastin theorized. “Then again, maybe she wasn’t totally human and had a totally different element that made up her blood, like… You know what, since it’s all over me, I don’t even want to think about it!”

Narcius stated, “There’s lots of things about today that I don’t want to think about!”

Akintos laughed mockingly at him. “Oh my gods, did you see under her toga?”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Narcius snapped.

“That’s a yes!” Akintos chortled uproariously. “Oh, you have to share the details!”

Exelda jumped in, “Ugh, no you don’t! Come on, let’s get out of here!”

As they headed back towards the village, Kefalia bemoaned, “Don’t tell me we still have to study after this!”

“All I can think about is finding the nearest bathhouse and getting this gunk off immediately!” Exelda grimaced as she purposefully did not look down at her visage. The others heartily agreed with her.

After a quiet moment, Akintos ribbed Narcius, “So, how did she compare to the rest of the women of Chaos?”

Exelda, Kefalia, and Stocastin all groaned, and before Narcius could say anything, Exelda ordered, “For the love of Zeus, don’t answer that!” Akintos continued to chortle as they exited the clearing.

That night, Mercinon stared into the mirror he had on his wall as he majestically spoke, “As your beloved king, it is my duty to impose new laws for your own protection. Therefore, today I must issue a royal decree…” A small knock sounded at the door, but he did not hear it. “… It is now illegal to walk your camel after sunset…” The perpetrator of the knocks made another attempt, but Mercinon still didn’t notice. “… I know it may not seem fair, but there has been far too many chariot accidents lately, so I-!” All of a sudden, he heard a loud boom that almost made him lose his balance. “Ah! We’re under attack!” He hid behind his desk and shivered from fear.

The door cracked open, and Marcin cautiously stuck his head inside. “Sire?”

Mercinon popped out from his hiding spot. “Oh, it’s just you! What do you want? Are you here to tell me more bad news?”

Marcin stared at him in surprise. “How did you know that? Have the gods gifted you with clairvoyancy?”

“I’m not clairvoyant!” Mercinon rebutted. “If I was, do you think I’d let those jerks with superpowers keep killing my best monsters?”

“Well…” Marcin started to reply.

Mercinon chastised him, “You have to think about it? The answer is obvious! Please use your brain a little more! This is a very important mission!”

Marcin got down to his knees. “I keep disappointing you! Please forgive me! I’ll get it right next time, I swear!”

“Don’t make promises that you have no idea whether or not you keep!” Mercinon sharply advised him. He sat on his throne-like chair and exhaled in frustration. “So, what went wrong this time?”

“I really thought I nailed it this time!” Marcin explained. “Polyphema’s massive size and primitive rage made her the perfect force for destruction! Never in my wildest dreams did I think she would get the hots for someone while on the job!”

Mercinon remarked, “Okay, so this defeat really had nothing to do with their skills. They just got lucky!”

Marcin responded, “No, I think only one of them got lucky!”

After rolling his eyes, Mercinon commanded, “Just find another monster, but make sure this one can’t be seduced!”

“Yes, sire!” Marcin bowed before he headed out of the room.

From the other side of the door, Marcin heard Mercinon say, “For my next decree, I declare that it is now illegal to cut off your own head!” Marcin looked as though he wanted to correct him, but he shook it off and said nothing as he left.

Exelda, Stocastin, Narcius, Akintos, and Kefalia all wore new togas as they sat at the wooden table in their home eating oatmeal. Exelda started to eat so fervently that everyone else froze just watching her. “This tastes amazing! Why does this taste so good?” Exelda wondered.

Kefalia shrugged. “I put some honey in it.” She passed the clay jar over to her.

Exelda unsealed it and took a spoonful out. After she sampled it, her eyes lit up and she began chowing down on it voraciously. “How come I never noticed how good honey is?”

“It probably tastes different with wine on your tongue,” Stocastin figured.

“Um, this stuff isn’t cheap.” Kefalia tried to reach for it.

Exelda smacked her hand as it got close. “Back off!”

Stocastin assured Kefalia, “We can afford to get more since we’re saving so much money by not buying alcohol.”

“Or we can always just charge it to the palace again.” Akintos finished his breakfast and stretched out comfortably. “We got free shoes, a free bath, and free clothes! If I knew this hero stuff would come with so many perks, I would have signed up a long time ago!”

“It’s not free, we have to go through a lot to get these things!” Narcius pointed out. “No clothes or bathhouses will get certain images out of my head!”

Akintos kidded, “Are you sure you didn’t enjoy that a little?”

Kefalia retorted, “Maybe you keep making fun of him because you’re just jealous you didn’t get to see it!”

Everyone got amused by her comment, but they were also surprised that it came out of her mouth. Stocastin complimented her, “Wow, that was supremely clever!”

“Why does everyone look so shocked when I say something smart?” Kefalia probed.

The other four shifted guiltily. After an awkward silence, Exelda resumed eating her honey. With a full mouth, she opinionated, “They’ll probably take all of these things out of whatever they were going to pay us. We should really stop charging stuff to the palace; they might get mad if we spend too much.”

Akitnos dismissed this idea. “No way! They have so much money that they probably won’t even notice any is missing! Besides, if they were really mad, don’t you think they’d contact us about it by now?”

At that instance, they heard a knock at the door, Narcius, who was closest to the entrance, swallowed the last of his food and went to the door. A royal servant came in and announced, “You’re all being summoned to the palace.”

Exelda glared at Akintos, so he suggested, “Maybe it’s good news!” No one seemed to believe him as they all prepared to leave.

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