The Unsuper Heroes, Chapter 7

The next day, Narcius ran around the house with his toga on fire! Kefalia tried fruitlessly to chase after him with a bucket of water while his high pitched screaming clearly gave Exelda a headache. Akintos laughed uproariously at the scene, a sentiment that only increased when Narcius tripped over something that turned out to be an invisible Stocastin. Kefalia flew over to Narcius and threw water on him, which also got onto Stocastin. Akintos started crying from laughter while Exelda rubbed her temples and groaned. Kefalia ran over to Narcius and cried, “Are you okay? Did you hit your head and get less intelligent? Because I think that’s what happened to me..”

“It was a harrowing ordeal!” Narcius said dramatically. “But I put on a brave face and carried on!”

“Brave face?” Stocastin disputed. “You were running around and screaming like a little girl!”

Narcius argued, “I do not scream like a little girl!”

Stocastin pointed behind Narcius and stated, “There’s a spider over there.”

“Nice try!” Narcius responded smugly. “How many times do you think you can fool me with that lie? You shall not-!”

“He’s not lying,” Akintos told him.

Narcius turned around, and when he saw the spider, he gave another high pitched scream and leapt onto a nearby box. The spider got closer to the box, so Narcius’s shrill screaming only got worse. Akintos, who was lounging nearby the box, stomped on the spider, but in so doing, he hit the box as well, which made Narcius lose his balance and fall over. Akintos laughed hysterically again as Kefalia ran to his rescue. Stocastin brought up, “See, you do scream like a little girl!”

Stocastin and Narcius started arguing, making Exelda’s headache worse and worse until she finally had enough. “SHUT UP!” Everyone fell silent and stood at attention after hearing her speak in such a tone. After rubbing her head, she barked, “Don’t accuse Narcius of acting like a little girl if you’re going to argue like a child! And Narcius, when you’re on fire, running just makes it worse!”

“Your nagging makes it worse!” Narcius retorted. Exelda glared at him, so he cowered down and immediately apologized, “I’ll be good!”

Exelda sighed exasperatedly, and Kefalia attempted to cheer her up by saying, “Don’t feel bad! Practice wasn’t a total waste of time! Just mostly!”

After shaking her head, Exelda yelled at them, “We could get attacked by a monster any minute, and we haven’t improved our skills at all! Dason was right, we need to take this more seriously!”

“Hey, we have time!” Akitnos objected. “It’s not like they’re going to attack us today!”

“You don’t know that!” Stocastin differed.

Akintos disagreed, “Yes I do! You may have big brains, but I’ve got a big gut and therefore better instincts. Yeah, no! My gut says we’re not going to deal with any monsters today!”

From outside their home, the five of them heard a loud crash and several people screaming. Stocastin victoriously pointed out to Akintos, “It sounds like we’re needed.”

Akintos gave him an annoyed look. “You think?”

“I always think,” Stocasting bragged as they heard another crash outside.

Exelda clicked her tongue out of frustration and shouted, “Come on!” They all obeyed her and ran towards the commotion.

When the sunlight first hit Exelda, it made her double over in pain. She forced herself to glance up, and she saw three giant, bronzed men with wings and very large, pointed noses throwing heavy objects at people. Akintos suggested, “Let’s just forfeit and worship them as our overlords!”

“Stop talking like a coward!” Exelda snapped. The sunlight bothered her again, so she covered her eyes and moaned, “Somebody do something!”

“I am doing something! I’m shivering from fear!” Narcius’s teeth chattered as he spoke.

Kefalia stared at them curiously. “They’re not like the last monster we faced. He actually looked like a real monster. They almost look like normal men. Maybe they speak our language!”

Akintos urged her, “You should go to talk to them then!”

“Okay!” Kefalia chirped. Exelda rolled her eyes at how relieved the men were when she made the first move. Kefalia flew over to them and cheerily greeted, “Hi! I’m Kefalia!”

One of the monsters replied, “We’re The Points and we don’t care for you!” The first Point took one of his golden feathers and tickled her with it. She laughed hysterically until she became stiff and fell to the ground.

“Quick! Help her!” Exelda ordered while clutching her stomach. One of the Points raised a barrel over her head, ready to strike her, so Narcius used his super speed to race towards her. The Point that had the barrel released it just as Narcius got close, and the barrel hit him and pinned him to the ground! Exelda, who looked ill, asked Akintos, “Can you lift heavy objects?”

“Yeah, but not while they’re hurling stuff at me!” Akintos answered.

Exelda told Stocastin, “Go distract them!”

“Oh, sure…” Stocastin nervously walked up to The Points, who watched him inquisitively. “So, I… um… have you guys ever heard of the Pythagorean Theorum?”

Clearly, Stocastin had peaked their interest, and the second Point responded, “No, what is it?”

Stocastin still sounded a little uneasy, but he grew more and more confident as he talked about this subject. “Well, it’s a way of measuring a right triangle without measuring one of the sides…”

The third Point inquired, “How does it work?”

Stocasting explained, “First, you get the square root of the sides that you have measurements for, and to calculate that, you simply multiply…”

“My Hera, it’s actually working!” Akintos commented.

Exelda pulled herself together so she could concentrate. “Okay, let’s see… They’re made of metal, so what destroys metal?”

“Stocastin would know,” Akintos lamented.

“We live in an old smithery! Come on, think! What did they do to make swords?” Suddenly, an idea struck Exelda. “The fireplace! Akintos, we need to melt them!”

Akintos told her, “I can’t make enough fire to melt them all at once!”

Exelda mulled it over until she found herself absentmindedly staring at the thatched roof of the house next to where The Points were standing. “I can tear off the hay from that rooftop, and you can set it on fire as I make it rain on them!”

Akintos whined, “Does that mean I have to climb all the way up there?”

“No, I’ll throw you!” Exelda dragged him over to an empty, wooden cart nearby the house where The Points and Stocastin were chatting and shoved Akintos onto the far end. Exelda hopped onto the part of the cart that reared upwards, which made Akintos fly up into the air and land on the roof with a thud!

Exelda checked to see if The Points had noticed this noise, and she observed Stocastin preaching, “It’s helpful to know! For example, if you need to know what size ladder to use, you can calculate it by measuring the ground and the side of the building you’re working on!”

The middle Point queried, “Does it work on all triangles?”

While Stocastin taught The Points more about the Pythagorean Theorum, Exelda used slightly protruded spots on the walls of the house to climb to the roof. She quickly ripped off a piece of the thatching and looked to Akintos to see if he was ready. He nodded to her, so she took the material she held and tore it apart. As she tossed it towards The Points, Akintos pointed his palm and set off several fireballs to make sure each piece of hay flamed up. The Points didn’t realize it was raining fire until it became too late to run away! The flames landed on them and slowly made them melt away!

When The Points were nothing more than a pile of muck, the townspeople clapped and cheered for them. Exelda quickly climbed off of the roof and took the barrel off of Narcius, who gasped and wheezed from his experience. “Did we win?”

Exelda sarcastically replied, “No, we lost and they’re really supportive!”

Kefalia found that she could move again and flew up to the roof to retrieve Akintos, who was too heavy for her grip and made her fall to the ground. A few townspeople helped them up as others shook Narcius, Stocastin, and Exelda’s hands. Exelda remarked, “I never felt so good! Excuse me!” She ran to an empty spot and threw up.

A couple of royal guards congratulated the other four. The first one gratefully expressed, “Well done! You bested these monsters, and the gold from their corpses will pay for the damage that was done during the foray!”

Narcius, Kefalia, Stocastin, and Akintos smiled obligingly, and Exelda joined them as nonchalantly as possible. The other guard joked, “Okay, so where is the brave prince hiding?”

Exelda stared at them in bewilderment. “What are you talking about? Why would Dason be hiding here?”

The first guard became equally as perplexed as her. “When he didn’t return to the palace last night, we just assumed…”

“He didn’t come home last night!?!” Exelda exclaimed. The two guards shook their heads, which made everyone stand there in horror at this revelation… until Exelda threw up again.