Crimes of the Fay II, Chapter 27

Aidan rang his hands anxiously as I glanced around the room in order to find something to distract me from my apprehension. That didn’t help because the walls were plastered with posters of women with pregnant bellies and babies! I spotted a bulletin that depicted various different std’s, and while they were hard to look at, it did momentarily make me forget what I was scared of! “Ben almost gave me that one!” I pointed to one of the panals, and Aidan ogled me in suprise. I expounded on that subject, “When he got busted with that prostitute, they gave him a physical exam, and he had it! Thank goodness I wasn’t sleeping with him towards the end of our marriage!

He twitched his mouth as though he wanted to smile, but a smile never fully formed! “I guess the one plus side to him becoming a Fay was that all of the maladies he sustained as a living being vanished!” We chuckled slightly, but neither of us could think of any avenue in which we could have carried on this topic, so we sat in an awkward silence once more. After a minute or two, Aidan conversed, “So, a Hawaiian doctor is gonna examine you? That’s pretty cool!”

“Not really!” I refuted. “He’s a doctor who happens to live in Hawaii- he’s not any different than a mainland doctor! What, do you imagine he’s gonna come in with hula gear on or something?”

“Sorry I’m late!” A tall and extremely stocky man entered wearing a white lab coat, board shorts with a tropical, floral print, and a bare chest! He moved his braided ponytail out of the way of his stethoscope, and his sandals squeaked as he moved across the floor! “Festival practice ran long!”

I retracted my previous statement to Aidan, “Then again, maybe he is uniquely Hawaiian!”

The doctor offered, “I can change into sandals if it this bothers you, but I figured expediency would be a greater priority.”

“This is fine! Let’s get this over with!” My heart started pumping wildly as I wondered about all of the different possibilities of my conditions’ origin, and I didn’t want to wait a second longer than I had to in order to confirm what I suspected!

“Right! Well, I’m Doctor Makalo Iona, nice to meet you!” He shook my hand as well as Aidan’s, and then he sat on a stool and scanned a file. “You must be Mister and Missus Swetinbedde.”

I couldn’t resist getting choked up from this! It was difficult enough acting like a married couple prior to my readiness to say my vows, but now we were these newlyweds with an infant possibly in the works! And we would have to raise him or her in that hayloft with eight other people and eight cats too! Maybe nine if the shelter permitted Mom to keep Jinx! All of the milestones I thought I had a choice on got rushed, and I didn’t even have the comfort of my true home to fall back on! It sort of irritated me that I began crying since I worried that this might slow the process down! I needed to hear the bad news quickly so I could grab a tray of brownies and nurse my emotional wounds immediately!

Aidan rushed to my side and put his arms around my shoulders, and Doctor Iona pat my hand sympathetically. “Hey, hey! It’s going to be okay! ” Doctor Iona reassured me. “Whatever the results are, we’ll take care of it! Alright?” He seemed so confident in obtaining a solution that I ceased my sobbing, and once he saw that, he instructed, “Go ahead and lift up your gown so I can examine your belly.”

“Do you hear anything?” Aidan inquired as Doctor Iona placed his stethoscope on various points of my abdomen.

“I can hear her lunch digesting,” Doctor Iona replied. “You’ll have to do a BM in an hour.”

I was slightly relieved to receive a tiny bit of goodness to look forward to! “Oh, finally! It’s been so long!”

Doctor Iona read my file again and asked me, “You’ve been experiencing frequent urination, avoidance of alcohol, and mood swings. Any pain or abnormal periods?”

“Oh, I can’t remember when I last menstruated! It’s been more than a month!” I bit my lip in fears of the outcome of this only leading in a single direction!

“It’s alright- it’s a doctor exam, not a game show! There’s no wrong response!” Doctor Iona ensured me. He took out his wand and informed me, “Hang tight- I’m going to do an imaging spell.”

I gripped Aidan’s hand tightly- too tightly! He wanted to be supportive, but he couldn’t focus on anything else but his pain! Oops! I was too terrified to apologize right then, and after Doctor Iona’s wand floated over my torso, all I could concentrate on was mentally preparing myself for what was doomed to transpire! The wand emitted a white glow as it slowly hovered over me, and once it traveled from one side to another, it floated back into Doctor Iona’s palm. He walked over to a screen behind Aidan, and we braced ourselves for an emotionally ominous impact! Doctor Iona studied the image that developed on the screen, and he gasped, “Oh no!”

Aidan and I grew positively alarmed at this spectacle! I mean, if a physician ever says something like that upon seeing your results, it can’t be anything good! “What? What is it? Is something wrong?” Aidan pressed him.

“Yeah… I have to use the restroom! Excuse me!” He dashed out of the room.

“Wow! Thanks for giving us both heart attacks!” Aidan bitterly muttered.

I requested to Aidan, “Can you see what’s on the slide?” My pulse skyrocketed as he looked at the screen! At least, it did for a flash. After a considerable stretch, I got impatient and grilled him, “Well? What do you see?”

Aidan reported, “Nothing appears human shaped!”

“You know, it takes a while for a fetus to develop human parts,” I illuminated him. “Mom said if I’m eight weeks along, it’ll look like a blueberry.”

“Oh, in that case, there is something there!” Aidan told me with his skin growing pale as a ghost.

“Holy crap! We’re having a child?” I exclaimed in disbelief. Even though this was the result I expected, my brain still didn’t want to accept it. I was leery about Mom bringing another cat into the house, and I didn’t relish bringing another person into that chaos!

Aidan stammered, “We’re… You… There’s multiple masses in there!”

In that instance, I could have sworn that my eyes grew wider than my head! “Multiple masses? So, we’re having twins? Triplets?”

“There’s five there minimum!” Aidan croaked out.

“Five?” I nearly fainted! Laraleigh struggled immensely with her five kids, and she had them all separately! I couldn’t imagine how intense it would be to have them all at once! We would have to buy five cribs and stuff them into our small apartment! Well, when we finally go to leave Witness Protection anyways! I reckoned we could squeeze them into that stupid barn without a fuss! But I didn’t want to do that! I severely wanted to go back to my old life as a detective by day and a supportive girlfriend at night! That was never going to happen ever again though! I realized my entire lifestyle was about to get altered- again! Nothing would ever return to what made me happiest!
I started bawling again when Doctor Iona re-entered into the vicinity. He espied Aidan’s position, and he jocularly commented, “Ah! You cheated!”

Aidan disputed that, “No, her ex cheated! I never… Oh, you meant the image! Well, now we know we’re about to to parents to… uh, five-tuplets? I don’t know the word for it!”

“It’s quintuplets,” Doctor Iona educated him. “And you’re not having quintuplets. You’re not having a baby at all!”

“So, what is it? Some kind of curse?” I puzzled. I wouldn’t have put it past Wade to pull a stunt like that as a cruel joke and/or to keep me distracted from his activity! I began to wonder if his silhouette showed up in Kai Lawai’a to do more than buy a bag of flies…

Doctor Iona announced, “You have fibroids. They’re basically small tumors. Don’t freak out!” He beheld our horrified faces, and prior to us exhibiting a strong reaction, he explained, “They’re benign, and actually, they’re super common! Up ot eighty percent of women have them and don’t know it! Most of t he time, they show up and just hang out there. Kinda like a wart!”

I asked him, “So, my uterus will simply have to settle for being pop marked like an ugly, old witch?”

“No,” Doctor Iona answered. “You’re one of the cases where they start to grow and cause uncomfortable symptoms. We’re going to have to remove them, but you should count yourself lucky!”

“Uh-huh… This outta be good!” I sardonically remarked.

Doctor Iona asserted, “You’re lucky ’cause you came to ME with this issue! Not to toot my own horn… Well, maybe a little! But many other ob/gyn’s don’t have the surgical skill to remove fibroids! Several will advise their patients to get pregnant fast, and in a few years, it’ll grow enough where they have to take their entire uterus out! You get to keep yours and have a baby when you please! And you’re lucky that they’re fairly small ones, so the surgery won’t be too complicated! Once, I had a lady with a fibroid the size of a watermelon!”

Aidan’s jaw dropped, and I begrudgingly admitted, “Fine, that was pretty good!”

“I have an open spot this Friday,” Doctor Iona let us know. “Or at least I will when I cancel festival practice. Mahina really needs the extra work, but it’ll be solid overall! Ugh, I hope she practices what she can on her own!”

“Maybe you can get someone else to run the practice,” Aidan suggested.

Doctor Iona rubbed his chin contemplatively. “Hmm… Ricky might be able to, but he’s so timid when it comes to taking charge…”

Aidan advocated, “Maybe Ricky would do great as a leader and just needs someone to give him a chance!”

“Perhaps…” Doctor Iona considered this notion.

“Um, hello? Can we get back to me and my ugly uterus?” I vociferated to get their attention.

Doctor Iona shook his focus off of that situation, and then he instructed me, “Come in at noon on Friday. Don’t eat anything for eight hours before that juncture! Do you have any questions?”

Aidan posed to him, “Can you prescribe something for the pain?”

“Sure, how much pain are you in, Missus Swetinbedde?” Doctor Iona opened up his prescription pad and readied himself to write something down.

“I don’t need anything, I’ll feel fantasti in an hour when I have that BM!” I contemplated that sentence for a moment, and then I altered my sentiments, “What am I saying? I’m having surgery in a couple of days! That’s not something I even dreamt up in my nightmares! True, I suffered worse fates than that in my worst dreams, but still! It’s absolutely frightening to have to have my body cut open like that! Yeah, I originally believed I was gonna give birth, so I guess either way, I was doomed to have something extracted from me!”

Doctor Iona consoled me, “It’s only a small incision, and then magic does the rest.”

That didn’t comfort me much. I felt grateful that I didn’t have a bun in the oven when the kitchen was essentially on fire, but this circumstance wasn’t optimal either! I wasn’t ready to become a mommy, but I wasn’t ready for an operation either! “Are we done here?”

“We’re done here,” Doctor Iona confirmed.

“Hold on! We’re not done yet!” Aidan differed. “That pain medicine question was for me!”

Aidan motioned towards the extremity I clutched with too much force, and normally, I would have begged for forgiveness for that, but I was rather preoccupied in that instance! While Doctor Iona acquiesced to his wish, I slipped out into the hallway. It seemed like the receptionist was motioning towards the billing department, but I planned on letting Aidan take care of that. Right then, I needed to be alone and figure out where this procedure fit into the rest of the pandemonium that comprised my existence!

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