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INT. CONFERENCE HALL. AFTERNOON.
Anielle, George, and Toci are dressed in business wear and scan the hall. A group of extremely attractive men walk by, which gets the girls’ attention.
Wow, if something happens to Joshua,
I know where I’m finding my next man!
You shouldn’t look at other guys.
Why not? It’s not like a have a ring
on my finger!
Toci chokes on her drink.
Another group of hot guys walk by.
Man, it must be some kind of hot
No way! I would’ve been invited
A group of guys stop for pictures.
It’s not fair! I’m attractive, so why
won’t they invite me to their convention?
You wanna come?
George leaves with them. Meretrice approaches them looking messy and physically exhausted.
Whew! So many boys, so little time!
Toci grumbles jealously.
I’ll bet with that hot guy convention!
You mean the Gayzard convention?
You know, gay wizards conference?
Toci and Anielle burst out laughing. Anielle immediately stops laughing when she sees Babelsama in the crowd. Babelsama sees her too and runs away in a panic. Anielle follows him.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM. AFTERNOON.
Anielle runs into the room, but Babelsama is nowhere in sight. The room is expansive and pretty packed.
Did you lose him?
No, I found him and captured him.
I think he’s gonna make a speech soon.
George appears looking ticked off. Toci and Anielle snicker.
You did that on purpose!
We could not have planned something
Babelsama comes on stage, and the crowd becomes quiet and pays attention.
Welcome to the FLA. I was invited here
by the Future Apprentices of University
No, don’t call it that! Anyways, I wanted
to share with you my ideas for how to run
a university or even run a country more
efficiently. Now, I think it’s only fair the
hardest working people obtain the greatest
reward, and people who do nothing should
be punished. We cannot remain passive. One
should always strive for more and more. Loyalty
is important. The more people work for the leader,
the better their lives should be. If he’s a good leader,
and someone does not follow him, they should be
The crowd agrees with him. Babelsama looks directly at George, Toci, and Anielle, who glare at him. He turns back to the crowd.
If elected university president, I would make
several important changes. We’d start with the
budget. I’d cut…
A paper airplane lands by him. He reads it and frowns profusely.
I’m sorry but my girlfriend just
miscarried. I’ll finish this speech
He tries to leave but Anielle binds him. The crowd looks at her like she is insane.
This man is a murder suspect!
It was self defense! Please, let me go
to my girlfriend!
The crowd gets angry and helps him up. As he leaves, a peace officer comes and arrests Anielle.
INT. WITCHES PRISON. EVENING.
Anielle sits in a corner alone. A few other women are in the small, dingy room with her but pay her no attention. A pink force field acts as a door. Some guards approach and Anielle looks hopeful. They throw someone in and leave. Anielle hangs her head in disappointment.
Never thought I’d share a cell with you!
Meretrice? Why are you here?
Why do you think? It happens every
few months or so. I stay a few days
and go back out. Never been to Arizona’s
Witches Prison though. Theirs is nicer.
This is nice?
Not as nice as the one in England though.
Theirs is the best. Well, that’s what I’m told.
Deirdre was originally from there. She would
go back and visit her cousinoccasionally. She was
so lucky to have family. I always wondered how
someone could abandon a baby.
Family is overrated sometimes. My mom
lives in Canada with her husband. Both of
them are too busy partying to really pay
attention to me or my sister. Leila and I
got disowned by our father because the
men and career choices we picked weren’t
approved by Neiman.
My foster parents never approved of my
career choice either. We’re a lot alike,
except your best friends are still here.
Some best friends! Where were they when
I was being arrested? Why haven’t they
bailed me out? I keep thinking about what
Madame Fate said-your friends will abandon you.
That’s not very nice. Most psychics tell
people good things so they’ll come back
and say nice things again.
She works for Babelsama.
Well then, why would you give any
merit to what she says? Anyways,
if you wanna get bailed out, I got
plenty of cash.
Thanks. But you’ll be coming back to
Uh huh! I usually don’t sleep with men
so attractive and young, so this has been nice!
INT. ANIELLE AND TOCI’S ROOM. NIGHT.
Anielle is on her laptop and pouts. Toci enters and is surprised to see Anielle.
Oh, you’re here! So, they let you out
Meretrice bailed me out. Thanks for
all of your help!
We were following Babelsama! He flew
Mexico? But, he’s been all his time here.
If he has a girlfriend he knocked up, she
should be here. One of these days we gotta
disguise ourselves and just follow him all day.
George passes by.
George, come here!
I have an idea of why Chad doesn’t
want a piece of this.
Oh, here we go…
Maybe he’s gay!
I don’t think he’s gay. Guys in denial
still act like gay guys.
But I wanna make sure. So, I want you
to go with us on our date tomorrow
and at the end of the night, ask if you
wanna do a threesome.
Absolutely not! I love you, Toci, but
in a platonic way. I never risk friendships
for a booty call…anymore.
We’re not really gonna do it! I just
wanna see if he likes the idea. If he’s
gay, he’d love to experiment with you.
but if he does go for it, I’ll take his
virginity and we’ll both leave!
Your schemes are getting more and more
senseless by the minute!
Please George! I don’t ask for a lot of
Fine! But you’ll have to buy me a
lot of drinks first!
What’s wrong, Anielle? Normally
you get a big kick out of this.
I have more important things on my
mind. Believe it or not, I don’t view
your sex life as top priority.
You miss Joshua, don’t you?
Of course I miss Joshua! I miss the way he
made me feel about myself. He made me
feel truly wanted. And I miss his sweet little
comments and his passionate kisses. Sure, he’d
drive me crazy sometimes, but I even miss that.
I miss the petty arguments we’d get into. I
remember a lot of times we’d lie in bed
together and he’d let out a huge fart, so I’d
kick him out of bed. I miss his smelly farts!
You miss his farts?!? Wow, you must
really love him!
I do. But I’m not just thinking about that.
It drives me crazy that Babelsama is so
close and we have no idea what he gets up
to! What did Joshua’s clue mean? I keep
wondering why they kidnapped him instead
of murdering him. I’m grateful he’s alive, don’t
get me wrong, but why would they keep him
around? Sometimes I fear that Madame Fate
will turn out to be right about me becoming
a crazy cat lady!
Oh, if you want to get a cat, there’s a
potion recipe for allergies on page
seventy two of my household cure book.
And there’s Toci with the big picture!
Look on the bright side-classes resume
tomorrow! Aren’t you excited about
what you may learn?
Anielle rolls her eyes and closes her laptop. She leaves the room with her toothbrush and a cup of tooth polish potion.
She really needs to get laid!
INT. JOSHUA AND GEORGE’S ROOM. NIGHT.
George is sitting on his bed with ebbed attention to BLANCHE (long, light brown hair, moon shaped glasses, and a pale, frail body).
My uncle’s hazelnut isn’t very good,
but I quite like my mother’s hazelnut.
Yellow nut is quite tasty, though I can
only drink it in small doses…
Toci and Anielle enter and look at George quizzically. When he finally notices them, he bolts off his bed, relieved.
You’re saying it wrong.
That’s how it’s spelled. Wait,
do you pronounce it hollah?
Hola, George. Sorry to interrupt such,
uh, stirring conversation.
Blanche gets up and goes over to them.
I’m Blanche. He asked me up for coffee,
and I was telling him which kinds I like.
You’re bats! What planet are you from
where you think a guy inviting you up
for coffee actually wants to give you
coffee? You are the most boring person
I’ve ever met! I thought you might’ve
been one of those scholars that’s a closet
freak, but no! I’m going to kill that Adam
guy for setting us up!
What he’s trying to say is that he
thinks you should just stay friends.
Okay. I can always use more friends!
Blanche leaves. Anielle starts rumaging through Joshua’s desk. She finds the folder.
Let’s see…Deirdre Lenon, age twenty two,
found dead on a dirt road. Cause of death,
heart stopping spell. That’s it? That’s all
the regular crime solvers bothered to put?
It’s a crummy system, but what are we
I just have to figure out where Joshua
would’ve gone to solve this crime. Tomorrow
after work I’ll go down to Sepia Street and
I’d go with you, but I have an oyseter
dinner with Chad.
I’ll go with you.
Just don’t try to speak or act Hispanic
there. You don’t wanna piss anyone off.
Why would they get mad? I speak
Just let me do the talking, pendejo.
Toci busts out laughing. George laughs too but he does not know why.
INT. DRAGON HEART SHOES. LATE AFTERNOON.
The floor is covered with various shoes. A young woman (LINDA) tries on a pair of heels and thinks about it. Anielle looks bored to death.
Okay, I like these. I’m going to
come back Wednesday to get them.
Great! I’m so glad I stayed twenty
minutes after my shift for that!
That’s right! Keep up that positive
Anielle rolls her eyes. They bring out their scepters and clean up the shoes.
Alright, I’m leaving.
Wait! Before you go, take this!
She hands her a coupon with Madame Fate’s eyes and moving lighting in the background.
You get twenty percent off
with this coupon!
Anielle stashes the coupon in her pocket.
See you, batty!
Betty? I’m Circe!
Anielle rolls her eyes again and leaves.
EXT. SEPIA STREET. EARLY EVENING.
The street has a almost decayed look. Scantily dressed women and sloppily dressed men roam the street. Anielle and George stand out and get a few stares. They arrive at a pile of rubble that once could have been a house or store. There is a lot of ashy dirt and hardware.
This is where Deirdre’s body was discovered.
A peace officer spotted her, they did a quick
autopsy, and it turns out she was hit with a
heart stopping spell. It’s a common signature
of pimps, so they assumed the same for her and
(looking at the file)
She looks so sad. No one reported her
missing either. Did she have a family? or
DEEJAY (a ghetto man) is passing by and hears Anielle say that.
You’re looking for Deirdre’s friend?
I told you, Deejay, I don’t work
No, some people are looking for you.
(to Anielle and George)
She’s coming. Peace out!
Deejay leaves. MERETRICE (tall, skinny, crimped strawberry blonde hair, slutty clothes) comes over to see what Deejay was talking about. She sees Anielle and George and gets scared.
You’re with the Bureau of Magic, aren’t
you? Well, whatever you have on me
is a lie!
We’re not with the B.O.M. or the P.O.’s.
My boyfriend, Joshua, was investigating
Deirdre’s murder and now he’s missing.
He’s missing? That’s too bad. He was
he only P.O. that acted like he gave a
damn about what happened to us.
So, what happened to your friend?
No idea. I was working on a…book…
Seriously, we’re not peace officers. My
boyfriend’s captain isn’t going to spend a
lot of time looking for this killer, and I won’t
find him til I find the killer. So, be honest,
before you were working on your “book,”
did you notice anything weird?
Not really. Except the eyes.
I don’t know. When we were growing up,
Deirdre and I always felt like there was
an evil eye watching us. Like, the eyes
would make bad things happen to us. I
never see them, but I felt like they were
always there, just waiting to strike. But
what’s weird is when Deirdre died, they
So, do you think someone was plotting
to kill Deirdre?
Maybe. Deirdre and I always looked like
sisters, so maybe they couldn’t tell us apart.
It could’ve been me they were after. We’ve
felt these eyes since we were kids. A lot of
people wanna hurt us in this line of work, but
who’d wanna hurt a baby?
Does someone have something against
I don’t have a family. I was abandoned
as a baby and lived in foster homes til I
was twelve. That’s when Deirdre and I
started turning tricks.
That’s so sad!
Why? I love sex! It makes me feel good cuz
it’s what my talent is. I’d do it for free, but if
I’m gonna do it and get paid for it, then why
not? I make men feel good. Sometimes women.
Sometimes couples. I’ve thought about going to
college, you know, to be a masseuse, but now I
have too many clients to just leave them. Sex is
more than just fiddling around with your privates;
it frees the soul to animal instincts. And it makes
you sick less, so I view myself as a healer. Don’t
feel sorry for me!
She starts coughing and hacking for a minute.
What happened to preventing illness?
Okay, so occasionally it creates a few
diseases. I have metabulish.
It starts off as a rash in your genitals,
but it creates outbursts of fluids, like
hacking up mucus or worse, gushing
blood. Things like that.
Men say I’m worth it.
Right. So, you don’t think a pimp
did this? The murder, not the disease.
We don’t have pimps.
Did she talk about her last client?
Some bald dude flagged us down, so
Deirdre went to go see him. I followed this
rich executive to do him. Stayed all night.
Made five thousand pieces.
So, did this bald guy wear a long, brown
robe and talk about his plans outloud?
Meretrice nods but eyes a potential customer.
Here’s my card if you need to
contact me with more information.
Meretrice takes the card and leaves.
Ha ha, Babelsama can’t get laid on his
own, so he has to hire a hooker!
No, he was probably the “eyes” trying
to kill her. Someone wanted Meretrice
dead. But why would Babelsama care
Maybe he got paid for it.
But he likes to be a leader. He has a
partner, and I bet it’s Madame Fate!
She hasn’t done anything wrong though!
Well, now we know Babelsama did it, and
he probably caught Joshua here and kidnapped
him. We’ve gotta get out of here!
We should convince Meretrice to go
into hiding too.
Before Anielle can respond, a couple of guys eye her.
Let’s go before I gotta hex someone!
INT. ANIELLE AND TOCI’S ROOM. NIGHT.
Toci is tending to one of her plants in a very skimpy outfit. Anielle puts on her sneakers to complete her cheerleader ensemble (which is red and black with a black cat logo). Toci hums.
Are you in a good mood because
you think your slutty outfit is
going to work?
I’m happy because the weekend is
here. Aren’t you?
I don’t get a weekend. I have cheer practice
tonight and work Saturday and Sunday. It’s
a pain, but I gotta work because my dad won’t
give me spending money anymore. Then again,
I wonder what the point of having spending money
if I don’t have time to spend it!
Joshua enters wearing a junior crime solver outfit. Toci is about to leave when she sees him.
Going to work, huh?
Yeah. I can give you a ride to
Sepia Street since it looks like
we’re both about to work there.
Toci does not seem offended but still glares at him.
Wish me luck!
No. It’s just too ridiculous.
But have fun!
Oh, I will. Believe me, I will have fun!
You’re going to work on Sepia Street on
a Friday night? Isn’t it one of their busiest
Yes, which is why I’m going tonight-more
potential witnesses. Plus, I wanna have my
Saturday night free to whisk you away to
a nice dinner.
What’s the occasion?
Your glamorous new job! Do I need
a reason to spoil you?
Just be careful, okay?
What’s the fun in that?
Now, I better go before I rip
that sexy outfit off you.
Okay, bye you!
See you soon, babe!
They kiss and Joshua leaves. George (wearing his broom football uniform) comes in.
Ready to go?
No. I mean, I will, but I kind of feel
rooted to the spot. It’s like that kiss
was the last one I’d have with him.
Oh, I see. Now you think you’re
Ugh! If I hear about that hag one
more time today…I’ll …
I don’t know!
Vamenos. Even I know that, and I’m
INT. DRAGON HEART SHOES. LATE AFTERNOON.
BG-a small store with shoe boxes lining the walls and a few display shelves. Anielle is sitting behind the register looking really bored while Circe has her head against the wall.
That’s the third time today! Madame
Fate said this guy was going to work
for a glorious new leader that will
surface at Temca!
Oh, it’s so exciting to work next
door to a real psychic!
Anielle snorts in disbelief.
Everyone on campus is talking about
getting a reading done. I have her
booked in two weeks! When are you
When I sprout wings and fly into a rainbow!
I’ve always wanted to do that!
Anielle rolls her eyes. The door opens with a jingle and SCOTTERINA (a very large woman wearing designer clothes and carrying designer shopping bags) walks in. Circe doesn’t move so Anielle goes to tend to her.
Welcome to Dragon Heart Shoes. How
may I help you?
Yes, do you have the purple heels with
the dirt protection spell?
Yes, it’s right in front of you.
Oh, so it is! Can you hand it to me?
Anielle walks over and hands her the shoe that is right in front of her.
Do you have it in a size eight?
That is a size eight. You can try them on.
Scotterina sits down in a chair that barely holds her weight. Anielle grabs the shoe and stoops down. She raises her eyebrows as she sees her feet are obviously bigger than a size eight. She takes off her shoe and tries to hide her disgust at the smell. She barely squeezes the shoe on.
Oh, that’s perfect! I’ll take them!
Great! That will be fifty pieces.
Fifty pieces! No, thank you! If you
have any sales, go down to Scotterina’s
Furniture and ask for the owner. Then I’ll
She puts her old shoe back on and leaves.
That is the sales price! She won’t like
it when they go back to eighty!
She picks up the shoes she tried on and sprays some cleanser potion on it.
Working hard is fun to do with a friend!
I hate this job!
INT. ANIELLE AND TOCI’S ROOM. NIGHT.
Anielle is waiting on her bed in nice clothes. Toci enters carrying two small boxes, one of which smells badly.
You’re probably wondering what’s
in the boxes.
With you, I try not to ask.
I found some non-magical food that
will turn him on without it being date
rape! Dark chocolate and oysters!
Don’t serve them at the same time!
Duh. Hey, look at you all dressed up!
Where are you off to?
Probably nowhere. I haven’t seen or
heard from Joshua since last night.
He hasn’t come back to the Dog House
in almost twenty-four hours, and he
won’t respond to my messages.
Maybe he pulled an all nighter at work.
Sergeant Cassius hasn’t heard from him
either. If he doesn’t respond in an hour,
he says he’ll be considered a missing person
and his case will be turned over to a crime
solver to find him!
Toci tries to give Anielle a hug, but Anielle recoils.
I appreciate the thought, but you wreak!
What are you going to do?
I’m going to look for him. I don’t trust his
peace officer department. First, they hand
off a murder case to a junior crime solver and
then they let him work Sepia Street without any
back up or messages to check on him until a day
later. It’s like they’re trying to punish him for
caring about a crime they deemed unimportant!
Plus, I can’t say why yet, but I think Madame
Fate is connected to it.
She’s just a psychic!
She’s meddling with Temca! She puts up
posters in the middle of the night, becomes
popular on campus rapidly, and then starts
telling people they’ll work for a glorious new
leader. That’s the exact kind of thing Babelsama
Wait, so you think Madame Fate and
Babelsama kidnapped your boyfriend to
stop him from investigating the death of
that prostitute? That’s a little-
Don’t call me crazy! You’re the one
trying to seduce your boyfriend with
Fair enough. So, when do we start looking
You know George and I will help you.
We’re his friends too. Besides, even if
you do something nutty, we’ll be doing
it with you cuz we’re friends, and we
stick by each other no matter what!
Thanks! Where’s George?
He said something about a blind date…
EXT. DOG HOUSE. MORNING.
Anielle and Toci walk to class together.
Oh, I can’t wait for my classes this
semester! There’s so much I have to
learn about business! I’m so close to
owning my own apothecary! And Chad
is helping me out cuz that business stuff
is hard! Whew, I’m tired!
Yeah, you sound tired.
Yeah, I spent all night clearing the plants
in our room. It didn’t help that George passed
out on my bed. Oh, and I got an idea how I’m
gonna deflower Chad! I have this herb with
a seductive sedative-.
That’s date rape.
I know he wants to do it, but he’s
got these morals that don’t even…
What are you staring at?
Anielle looks at a flyer on the lamp post. It reads “See your future with Madame Fate.” The address at the bottom center has a picture of Madame Fate’s eyes.
I saw her putting up flyers around midnight
last night. It’s so strange! Why would someone
Maybe she didn’t wanna draw attention
Then why would she put up flyers at all?
Oh well, we’re going to be late for class!
There’s something wrong with her. I just
got this bad feeling about her, like somehow
she’s connected to Babelsama.
That’s ridiculous! Come on! If we miss role
call, we could be marked as absent! I want
to pass this class-don’t make me fail!
Alright, alright. Don’t get your scepter in
a knot! But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Warn me about what?
Danger of some sort.
Whatever. There could be cute guys in
the class too! What? I can still look.
Anielle rolls her eyes, and they leave.
INT. HEALING HERBOLOGY CLASS. MORNING.
BG-the room looks more like a green house than a class, but there are a few rows of seats and a blackboard at the end. Toci sits comfortably in this surrounding while Anielle looks at oddly.
Isn’t it wonderful?
It looks like a rain forest threw up in
I had half of my classes here last year.
I love it! Professor Rohan is like my
Oh great, there’s two of you!
Wow, there’s some nice talent here
today. Look at those boys!
Anielle glances over to a group of obnoxious boys. One of them, ALBERTO (a guido) winks at Anielle. Anielle looks disgusted.
Ooh, you should talk to him!
Even if I was single, I still wouldn’t.
Alberto gets up and walks up to her.
Name’s Alberto. You must be Anielle.
I recognize you from “Broomstick Monthly.”
Your father made my broom.
Am I supposed to be impressed?
You wanna be impressed? Come to my
I have a boyfriend.
A three way, alright!
Ugh, go away you pig!
Alright, but I’ll be back. It’s gonna happen.
Madame Fate said I’d sleep with a famous
woman this year.
And you believed her?
She’s not some nobody making vague
predictions. She knows things, like for real.
PROFESSOR ROHAN (a hippie looking woman) enters the room. Alberto reluctantly returns to his seat.
Sorry I’m late. I had a problem with a
snapping lily. Welcome to Healing Herbology!
Toci, didn’t you already take this class?
Yes, as part of my required classes. I’m
taking the second level of this class too,
but I thought I’d take this as an elective.
Professor Rohan shrugs and begins her first lesson. Toci gives Anielle a thumbs up, and Anielle rolls her eyes.
INT. EMERGENCY RESPONSE CLASS. AFTERNOON.
Joshua is sitting at a desk looking at an engagement ring. BG-a classroom so neat and sterile that it almost looks like a hospital room. There is a large space in the front with a podium where PROFESSOR BETSERAI (stern looking, wearing a rescue healer-looking outfit) sifts through his papers. Anielle enters the room, and Joshua quickly stows away the ring. Anielle notices the secretive behavior.
What are you hiding from me?
Nothing. I mean, it’s just…evidence
from the case I’m working.
Then why did you bring it out in a classroom?
Because…I’m not that smart.
Can you show me later?
Absolutely, I will show you later!
Anielle raises her eyebrows but cannot say anything because Professor Betserai is ready to begin.
Good morning class. Welcome to the most
important class you’ll ever take. This is
Emergency Response. No matter what your
vocation is, chances are you’ll have to deal
with at least one emergency in the course of your
career. I will teach you the proper spells, potions,
and procedures you will need to get through an
emergency situation. These emergencies can range
from minor to severe. Chances are you’ve already
experienced an emergency. Who would like to
share an example? Yes, you.
One time I was getting a spa treatment, and I
broke a nail! And I had a hot date afterwards!
Wow. I have a feeling you’ll learn a lot from
this class. Who can give me a better example?
Yes, you, in the back.
Madame Fate told me I would be caught in
a fire before the semester was over. I don’t
know what to do in a fire!
Before the semester is over, you will know if
a fire should-
If? There’s no if, it’s gonna happen! She told
me things about myself I haven’t told anyone.
You can’t fight your destiny!
Anyways, why don’t I just start
with today’s lesson? Unless someone
has an actual story of life or death they’d
like to share?
Joshua and Anielle exchange looks but silently decide not to share their story.
INT. CAFETERIA. AFTERNOON.
Joshua, Anielle, Toci, and George sit at a small table by the kitchen. BG-a bunch of tables that are about half full. Students are eating while the workers prepare food.
I can’t wait to get started! The other guys
are having a blast. Like Anderson was called
over a domestic dispute. This woman kept
trying to cast her scale into a dumpster and
the husband kept summoning it back. Anderson
looks in the dumpster and, get this, finds a dead
The girls gasp.
So, he had to turn the case over
to a crime solver?
Yes, but he’ll be a witness at the trial.
So, both me and Anderson are involved
in murder cases, only I’ll be the expert
witness in mine.
But only if you live.
That’s not funny! I don’t like the idea
of him roaming around Sepia Street.
It comes with the job. When you’re a
rescue healer, you’ll have to go down
Yeah, but I’m there to heal, so they don’t
wanna hurt me. You know how they feel
about peace officers. This can’t be legal-
to hand a murder case to a junior crime solver!
Before Joshua can respond, a man at the next table jumps and panics.
A bee stung me! It stung me! Madame
Fate was right-I’m gonna die from a
Toci reaches into her bag and pulls out an herb. Anielle walks up to the man, puts the herb on top of the wound, and rubs gently. She lifts the plant, which now holds the stinger. The wound itself begins to heal.
Some “psychic” took your money and
said you’d die, and you’re disappointed
that you’re gonna live? Even if it was in
the cards or whatever, it can’t be
guaranteed because we have free will.
Well, there could be another sting that
will be fatal.
Just get an anti-venom plant and you
You weren’t there. She knows things.
But I accept my fate.
There is a small buzz in the cafeteria about Madame Fate. Anielle is annoyed as she sits back down.
Can you believe that? I don’t even
get a thank you for saving his life!
Why would he die though? He didn’t
You and I have to prepare ourselves
for thankless rescues. Will I get a thank
you for solving the murder of a dead
prostitute? Probably not. But that’s
not why we do it. We do it cuz it’s
the right thing to do.
I do it cuz it feels good! Well, at least
I used to. Now it’s just a matter of principle.
If he expects me to me monogamous, he
has to start putting out!
For the love of Merlin, can you stop thinking
about your cooch for one minute?
I try, but it’s not easy!
Great, now I can’t finish my tacos!
Anielle rolls her eyes and sighs.
INT. LEILA’S KITCHEN. AFTERNOON.
There are two chairs left, and the other chairs are floating with the table. The three remaining contestants are Victoria, one of her cousins, and Joshua.
Why am I still here? I’m not
It’s not fair! I only got out because
I was distracted when someone elbowed
me in the face! This game gets very
Yeah, it probably had nothing to do
with the sombrero.
The music starts again. Joshua trudges along while the kids look excited. When the music stops, Victoria and her cousin fight over a seat while Joshua sits easily in the other. Victoria uses her hips and knocks him off the seat. Everyone laughs.
Okay, it’s between Joshua and the
Let her win.
What do you think I’ve been trying
to do this whole time?
Leila uses her scepter to start the music again. Victoria is actively trying to grab the chair while Joshua avoids it. Suddenly, a bang from the garage is heard. Joshua’s peace officer instincts make him stop playing. Leila stops the music, and Victoria grabs the seat.
Yes, it seems like this seat was
destined for you.
Psst! Joshua, you’re a peace officer,
Sort of. What happened?
Can you come here?
Joshua follows Ramone out. Toci, Anielle, and George curiously follow while Leila tends to the party.
EXT. GARAGE. AFTERNOON.
Ramone leads them through the front yard.
I was in the backyard having a cigar
when I saw a man on a broomstick
zoom by the house. He was moving
too quickly to get a good look, but
he left us a message.
On the garage door, the words, “Do not interfere-I have your cat” are etched in glowing red.
“Do not interfere-I have your cat.”
You don’t have a cat!
I know! We have a chihuahua, but I’d
pay someone to take that pendejo-
pees on all the furniture!
It still sounds like someone’s trying to
threaten you, even if they’re not very
good at it.
Let me get a quick image of the graffiti
and I’ll bring it to my boss.
Joshua takes his scepter out and floats his spy camera to just the right angle to get a picture of the crime. He points at the garage again, and his broom comes to him.
Thank you for inviting me to the party.
I’ll see you soon, babe.
(to George and Toci)
See you at school.
You won’t see us til the semester
starts in a week? Will it really take
you that long to solve this graffiti case?
I will say ah-dee-ohs per-drey!
Toci points her scepter at his sombrero, and it catches on fire. George takes his scepter and puts out the fire. He takes it off and looks at the charred top.
Great, now it looks stupid!
Joshua laughs, waves to everyone, and takes off.
Why would anyone threaten us?
They’re probably not after you. If
they’ve got the right house, they’re
after me. I know who, but I don’t know how.
How could we not interfere if we
don’t know what it is that we’re
supposed to be avoiding?
I always knew fate would bring us
They start to head inside.
I still wanna know who’s cat he’s got!
INT. CASSIUS’S OFFICE. LATE AFTERNOON.
CASSIUS ( middle aged, dark & balding hair, pot belly) is going through his files. BG-a cluttered office with files and papers strewn about the desk and various posters with moving photos of criminals line the walls. A group of young people, mostly male, wait in the room. Joshua enters.
Ah, there’s Frederick. Now we’re just
waiting on Chang.
I have another case for you.
Joshua hands him the photo of the garage. Cassius studies it.
What kind of cat do they-?
They don’t have a cat. It’s a young
couple and their infant. And
sometimes their sister.
I see. Well, I’ll process it and add it to
your pile most likely. First day on the
job and already your instincts are
kicking in. Very nice job.
The others took a little jealous at his praise. Chang enters the room.
Alright, everyone is here, so we can begin.
Welcome to your first assignment. Most of you
are training to solve crimes at Temca Academy.
Sometimes you’ll need those skills. For those of
you who haven’t been trained, don’t worry. These
petty crimes are so easy to solve that any person
with half a brain can do it. But please note that on
behalf of the United States Department of Magical
Affairs, we thank you. Your participation allows
crime solvers to work on more important cases.
Cassius lays out a few folders.
For your own knowledge, I’m going to tell you
the meaning behind the different colored labels
on the folders. Light green is traffic violations,
and dark green is environmental offenses. Purple
is failure to appear in court. Light blue is theft
under fifty pieces, medium blue is theft from
fifty to five hundred pieces, and dark blue is
theft valuing over five hundred pieces. Yellow
is misuse of magic. Orange is non-fatal violence.
This dark pink is rape. Light pink is prostitution
and drugs. Red-murder. And white is kind of an
He puts the demonstrations away and plops a pile of folders on his desk.
These are your assignments. When you finish one,
fill out the paperwork and bring back here for your
new assignment. You can solve these on your own
time, just try to finish as quick as you can. Remember,
if non-magical people are involved in magical crimes,
call one of our memory modifying officers. Any
questions, call me. Okay, Anderson-purple. King-
white. Neehmed-light blue. Chang-green. Lopez-
another purple. Stevenson-yellow. Frederick-
white. Alright, if I’m not here, just leave your
solved in my inbox and pick a file on top of
this pile. Good luck!
Everyone but Joshua leaves. Joshua peers at the assignment pile.
Oh, you get to interview a swim suit model
about a restraining order. Nice!
I have a girlfriend.
So does she. What’s your point?
Sergeant, are you aware of a red label at
the bottom of the pile?
Oh that. Don’t worry about it.
But it’s a murder file!
Only technically. A prostitute was found dead on
Sepia Street. You know Sepia Street. Right smack
in the middle of the low income area. At first we
thought it could be drugs or alcohol, but the
coroner’s autopsy spell revealed murder. Looks
like another pimp thing. If they don’t make enough,
they get tossed aside. Serves them right for choosing
an illegal lifestyle. Drug dealers, prostitutes,
other low life criminals-they don’t deserve priority.
But that’s a human life! She may have made mistakes,
but she’s still someone’s family member! And who knows-
this could be a part of a serial killing, and anyone could
be next. Murder is murder-it doesn’t matter who the
victim is. If it is a pimp, we don’t him out there hurting
more girls. Or anyone else who gets in his way for that
matter. I signed up for this major because I believe that
every victim deserves justice, and to put one life so low
on the priority list is just…wrong!
Cassius looks at him quizzically.
Okay, mister humanitarian, if you think this
deserves a “high priority” to get solved, then
you can take the case.
Wow, I get to solve a murder?
Yes, but it’s not a capitol murder or anything.
Do you know what kind of monsters you gotta
deal with on Sepia Street?
Don’t worry, I’ve got a lot of experience
Alright kid, if you wanna risk your life for
those low lives, be my guest.