The Terra-Belle Ancestors, Chapter 3

“That better not be an invitation to our own wedding! I know your mom is getting impatient, but if she picked our venue for us… I haven’t gone bridezilla yet, but I swear I…!” Phoebe snatched the ornate stationery out of my hands, and when she viewed the communication on it, her eyes went wide in shock. “Seriously?” 

“How long are you two gonna keep us in suspense?” Ellie probed.

I read out loud, “Miss Lilith Fenmore Adrannelech cordially invites you to her union with Engelbert G. Orlagh on May… Oh, it’s tomorrow, actually!”

Everyone who was in the vicinity of hearing my words stared at me in astonishment. For several seconds, my listeners simply strove to absorb this development, and then Aleck broke the silence by asserting, “Ha, ha Funny! What does it really say?”

“He’s not kidding! Does that sound like a dad joke to you?” Ginger prodded Aleck.

“Ah, who cares if she’s marrying another old codger?” Fletcher grumped. “She only sent you that letter to try and piss you off! Let’s not worry about her!”

Richard brought up, “Do you think it’s a mere coincidence you heard from the homeowner the same day her house burnt down?”

I responded, “God, I hope so!” Even though I had been anticipating a catastrophe preceding Damon’s reentrance into our realm, I was truly hoping to get proven incorrect about that! I would’ve preferred to have saved my anxiety for normal things like fixing my ceaselessly breaking abode and convincing my students the monsters they previously endured aren’t coming back! Okay, maybe normal wasn’t the right term for this, but still! As much as I wanted to get our inevitable confrontation over with, I also dreaded going through it again! I was mentally prepared for this battle, but I wasn’t… if that makes any sense!

“But, why would any spirits care if she marries this guy?” Rowan challenged Richard. “They were hoping to keep her single so they could date her?”

“The spirits have a new owner for their land, and they don’t like it! Why they don’t like him, I can’t tell you, but we’ll all have to keep our eyes peeled! Something scary’s gonna occur at any moment!” Richard wildly gestured for that final point, and his grip on his towel got lost! We all shied away from that unsightly spectacle, and after he covered himself back up, Richard pouted, “Wish they’d hurry and clear that smoke already so I can go back inside and conceal my tallywacker!”

Our focus switched between the nuptials’ announcement and the scorched edifice across the street. None of us were quite sure what it signified, but we all recognized that we were on the precipice of something huge! After a small stretch of inwardly contemplating different theories of what today’s incidents represented, Phoebe posed to me, “So, we’re RSVP’ing no to that unholy union, aren’t we?”

That evening, I sat at the small, circular dining room table that rested between the kitchen bar and the slightly lower elevation of our living room grading papers. It was pretty silent other than the guitar solo blaring in the background, and right when I noted how enjoyable it was to have a peacefully boring night, Jett sat down on my work with a toy mouse. “Not now!” I snapped. She didn’t budge, so I attempted to seize the contents beneath her bottom. That was an impossible feat, so I grabbed her plaything and threw it off of the table. I presumed that would be the end of it, but she resurfaced and plopped her plush rodent onto the ungraded quizzes once more! I gave it another go, and she repeated the same action! “You play fetch? Since when?”

My cellphone rang, and when I beheld who was calling, I groaned. I hurled Jett’s entertainment farther, held my documents on a notebook that rested on my legs, and begrudgingly pushed the speakerphone on. “Hey, Mom! Just your periodic reminder, texting is always an option for your lectures!”

“Oh, no! You’re not getting away from this that easily!” she scolded me. “You can’t keep avoiding this! If you’re gonna tie the knot in June, you should’ve picked the site for it in April at the latest! This is completely irresponsible!”

“Nuh-uh! It’s life, which changes a lot!” I clapped back. “We had a place in mind, but we had to leave ‘cause-.”

My mother interrupted me, “Why? Just ‘cause it wasn’t perfect? I’ve got a newsflash for you: nothing is gonna be perfect! Sometimes, you gotta work with what you’ve got and make the best of it! Whatever the issue was, overlook it and enjoy your marriage! If you hurry, you can get your reservation back before they fill it! Give them a call, quick!”

I sardonically stated, “Gosh, I’d love to, but the health department shut that joint down. Maybe the government will still let us use it if we sign a waiver for the toxic mold! Gotta overlook imperfections, right?”

“Oh, toxic mold? I see… Hmm, there’s gotta be something else in your area…” my mom contemplated this matter for a bit.

“This time, it was constipation!” Phoebe announced as she emerged from the bathroom. “I’ve got the bubble guts, but nothing will come out! My stomach keeps accumulating more and more gas, but nothing comes out! It’s the worst! Gosh, I never thought I’d miss the diarrhea!” She glanced at my phone, and her visage paled. “Oh no! You’re on a call?”

My mother assured her, “Oh, don’t sweat it, kiddo! My husband was a doctor, and I’ve heard worse at the dinner table! Besides, after you become a mom, poopy stuff doesn’t phase you much! Once, I was listening to Tom Petty’s new album while cleaning the bathtub, and both these things made it so I didn’t hear or smell anything. Connor took his diaper off, and-!”

I cut her off, “Can we discuss something else?”

“Of course! So, about your wedding venue…” my mother conversed.

“Actually, why don’t you finish telling her about the mural I created?” I didn’t expect that to work, but I had to try! It wasn’t like I could reveal any supernatural entanglements we had to my mom! For real, how could I say we were scared to pick another location due to the threat of a paranormal pest’s remanifestation? It might’ve been humorous to witness her reaction at first, but the consequences that were certain to follow wouldn’t have proved to be worth it! I sincerely prayed that she would drop the subject so I could give my brain a break from endeavoring to manufacture plausible rationales!

My mom ignored my invitation to relay an embarrassing story from my youth and suggested, “Ooh! What about the Arioch? William had a conference there before- it’s classy!”

Phoebe disagreed, “No, it’s not!” I knew exactly why she had said that, and neither of us wanted to narrate the sordid tale of how a giant, pornographic film company rented the facility and its star was Phoebe’s little sister! Mara also attempted to seduce me in that hotel, so that locale was tainted! From memories- she wasn’t successful! I decided to save this recollection in my back pocket though in case I needed to distract my mother again! Phoebe concocted a fabrication for her outburst, “I mean, it used to be, but after the mudslides, the entire facility is a mess!”

“Goodness! I didn’t realize the rain got that bad in the suburbs!” my mom confundedly expressed. Phoebe and I gazed at each other in apprehension of the feasibility of our claim, but luckily, my mom propositioned, “What about Camael’s Gardens? That’s nowhere near the mountains, so it should be fine!”

“No, that’s… too close to our rival high school! It’d be too awkward having it in their territory!” I cringed at my own creation. It was a lame justification, but it was all I could drum up on the spot like that.

My mother scoffed at that, “Wow! What nonsense! I’m gonna set up an appointment for you two to tour the premises- no ifs, ands, or buts!” Phoebe and I both opened our mouths to object, but we didn’t dare disobey an edict with that much authority! Even at forty, I still feared my mom’s wrath from my intentional rule-breaking! “And Phoebe, dear, drink some prune juice! It works better than a laxative! You’ll need to get better fast ‘cause your wedding day will roll by faster than you expect!”

After she hung up, I reluctantly concurred, “She’s correct!”

“About the prune juice or our wedding day?” Phoebe wondered.

“Both!” I sighed, and then I concluded, “We need to figure out what Damon’s up to ASAP! We can’t move on with our plans if we don’t know his!”

Phoebe quizzed me, “How are we supposed to do that? We don’t have any clues what form he’ll even appear in!”

Jett perched herself on more materials from my class, and one page in particular struck me with inspiration. “Maybe someone else can help give us some clues…”

“Thank you for calling Rosemary King High School! This is Mrithan speaking. How can I assist you?” I overheard Mrithan greet a person who contacted the campus by phone. I waited at the side of the front desk while a fairly young man with neatly parted hair, business casual clothes, and a warm-tan complexion listened to someone speak with a receiver supported by his left shoulder while holding a large stack of folders in his arms. He listened politely, but I could discern that Mrithan did not care for this conversation. “Uh-huh, uh-huh! Yes, ma’am! Yeah, I… Uh-huh! Hold on, let me save you some time! I… And, you’re continuing anyways, great! Mmm-hmm… Okay! So, we don’t handle class reunion stuff! That’s all done through a committee on ClassBook! Yes, even the sixty year folks! You don’t know what ClassBook is? Uh, do you have grandkids? Perfect! Ask them! You’re welcome! Bye-bye!”

“Hi, Mrithan!” I pleasantly regarded him as soon as he hung up.

Apparently, Mrithan didn’t realize my presence there until right then since he jumped from fright! His entire stack tumbled to the floor, and Mrithan somewhat timidly conveyed to me, “Hi, Connor!”

As I aided him in cleaning up that disarray, I inquired, “How’s it going?”

Mrithan shrieked and swiftly dove away from the counter’s structure, and he became relieved after making an assessment, “Oh! It was just a cord!” He renewed his concentration in reorganizing his heap, and he replied to me, “Fine! Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well, I assumed things would get better for you once Damon got out of your-!” I tried to verbalize to him.

“Shh!” Mrithan dropped more of his belongings as he put his finger up to his lips. “Don’t ever utter that name again! I have no idea what’ll bring him back, but I don’t wanna risk doing anything to invite his return! At least not ‘til the summer when I go on my family’s trip to Bora Bora! Surely, with all the happiness and sunshine of the islands, no demon would find me there, don’t you think?”

“Uh… naturally!” I didn’t imagine that Damon would have any boundaries if he harbored a deep desire to attack somebody personally, but Mrithan was obviously too agitated to hear this, so I gingerly broached the topic I came to chat with him about, “So, do you know how he’ll strike, or-?”

Mrithan shuddered. “No, but with a vast access to the spiritual realm, it’s bound to be horrible! And I don’t wanna be around when it arrives! After I allied with you and, well, general sanity, he’s probably super upset! I betrayed my ancestor who got kicked out of the Karro lineage by siding with the town that supported the previous patriarch of our relatives, and now, he’ll seek out revenge for this choice!”

I made a bid to offer him solace, “Nah! He’s not the vengeful type! He’s so sweet and even-tempered!” As Mrithan carted his paraphernalia to a cabinet, he gave me a look of total disbelief, so I changed my tune, “Alright, so we can stop him before he ever gets started! Maybe if we discovered what triggered this madness, we can use this information to… I dunno! Scare him, maybe? What occurred to him at this school when he was attending it?”

“He went to this school?” Mrithan gasped.

“You didn’t know that?” I pondered.

While Mrithan put his materials away, he leveled with me, “When I was still hearing the voices, they mostly just barked orders. I couldn’t ask questions, they always seemed like they were in a rush! In a rush for what, I haven’t the foggiest notion! They’re all dead, why rush?”

I summarized our interaction, “So, you don’t have anything that might benefit me in my quest to destroy that otherworldly jagoff permanently?”

“Not unless you’d like me to get off my medication and see what happens!” Mrithan asserted.

“God, no! Don’t do that! Well, if you think of anything that could lend me a hand, give me a ring!” I forlornly readied myself to exit.

Mrithan halted me in my steps by shouting, “Wait! I may have something that could be useful to you…”

The Terra-Belle Ancestors, Chapter 2

“Donuts?” a somewhat squeaky voice broadcasted loudly from a rather short woman with a tiny frame. Coupling that with her mousy, brown hair, fully buttoned-up shirt, and a skirt that draped over her shoes, she was the last person I would’ve expected to have had a temper, and while a judgmental attitude didn’t seem out of the question, loud & contentious opinions seemed out of the realm of possibility for her! And yet, here she was marching up to a box of pastries and hollering, “Don’t they know how bad these are for the body? It’s full of sugar and artificial ingredients!”

Fletcher inquired, “Are there any left?”

She swiveled toward him, ogled the French fries on his plate, and replied, “Why are you dressed like a PE teacher?”

“I am a PE teacher,” Fletcher informed her.

“You? You’re in charge of fitness?” She gawked at him in disbelief.

Fletcher stood up rather aggressively, and when Ginger as well as Ellie made a bid to hold him back, he huffed, “For Pete’s sake, I’m not gonna hit a woman! If I had that policy, I’d smack my twins for not knowing who their baby daddies are! How do they not know? How many men go to that university?” He stomped over to the donut box, grabbed the entire thing, and proceeded to eat them in full visibility of his objector.

She glared at him, and we all predicted a huge verbal altercation to ensue in the immediate future, but instead, she went to the fridge and addressed our colleagues, “Not to worry! I brought enough carrot sticks for everyone!”

After several faculty members turned down her offer, I took some and briefed her, “Listen, we kinda got off on the wrong foot! I’m Connor, and this is my fiancé, Phoebe. And, these are our friends: Ginger, Aleck, Ellie, and… Well, you’ve met Fletcher.”

“My name is Imelda, Imelda Wymond.” She extended her hand, and I almost shook it, but I still had the carrots in my grip, so she simply stated, “Nice to meet your acquaintance!’ She then sat at the opposite end of the table, pulled a book out of her bag, and began to read with a serene expression on her face. 

“And Manuel dubbed her the least creepy candidate for Martha’s old position!” I whispered.

Ginger quietly put in, “I’d hate to meet the people she beat for the job!”

Ellie softly determined, “Eh! She can be as weird as she wants! As long as she doesn’t aid that otherworldly jerk in coming back to life, I’m not concerned!”

That concept laid heavy in our group. Imelda gave off the impression that she was too uptight for that sort of undertaking, but we all inwardly speculated whether or not that was merely the perfect coverup for an ulterior motive. Perhaps we were being paranoid, but it was hard not to feel like that when it was a matter of when, not if, Damon returned!

That lull was broken when a man who resembled a football player well past his prime burst into the room and pompously greeted me, “Hey, Connor!” He became aware of the quiet he interrupted and asked, “Who died?”

“Madeline Usher despite Roderick’s belief she’d live forever,” Imelda answered.

“Is that from a soap opera?” he pondered.

Phoebe educated him, “It’s Edgar Allen Poe.”

He quizzed them, “What’s he on? Days of Our Lives?”

Both of the English teachers’ brains locked up at the profound ignorance of his enquiry, but preceding any meltdowns, I probed, “What do you want, Casper?”

“Glad you brought that up!” Casper haughtily strolled up to us and announced, “I’m RSVP’ing yes to your wedding invitation, but you’ll have to make it plus one. I am bringing my girlfriend, Kaleva!”

“Good for you!” I disinterestedly responded.

Casper, as usual, didn’t notice my tone and went on, “Yes, she is! She’s a model, but I’ll make sure she doesn’t outshine the bride too much!”

Phoebe’s lips shifted into an uncertain frown. “Uh… thanks?”

“Do tell me and my girlfriend where the ceremony will be!” Casper requested.

“Will do!” I grinned until he removed himself from the room. Once he was out of earshot, I pressed Phoebe, “Did we actually invite him?” She shrugged, and I sighed. I couldn’t fathom how we were going to both plan a wedding and combat a paranormal pest in the coming weeks!

I yawned as I left my classroom that day. It hadn’t been an overly taxing day, but just trying to wrap my head around all I had to do outside of my lessons drained me! I walked to my car and savored the idea of taking a long, overdue nap, and I nearly made it to the parking lot when…

A tall girl with auburn pigtails and green eyes ran up to me and gushed, “Witaj, Wujku! Co Ty tuta, robisz?”

“I’m sorry?” I blinked in befuddlement. I was so exhausted that it took me a minute to register that she hadn’t spoken in English!

“Oh, I apologize!” The girl blushed from embarrassment. “You appear so similar to my uncle! I guess I should have known that I wasn’t deserving to have such a pleasantry in my place of punishment!”

My brows furrowed at that notion. “Are you supposed to be in detention or something?”

The girl wailed, “No! I was attending courses at Samwise K. Julieth as part of a foreign exchange student program, and I got in lots of trouble there, so they sent me here! They were saying it got too full of transfer students and they had to make some changes, but I am positive they didn’t want me there anymore!”

“Aww, you seem like such a sweet person! I’m positive they were sad to see you go!” I consoled her.

“I spiked the water fountain with laxative juice,” the girl disclosed to me. “And, in another instance, I iced the walkway and laughed at everyone sliding Apparently, they were not viewing it as comical, and now I’m paying the penalty!”

I found this insight startling. Once again, a female I got a pure and wholesome aura from turned out to have a shocking amount of venom within them! “Oh! You had some pranks go wrong! I’ve seen worse… Hey! Hold on! They’re sending kids to our school for disciplinary purposes? Ugh! That campus fancies itself as so prestigious just ‘cause they got the title of a magnet school! Psh! They’re so uppity, they-!”

The girl catechized, “Did you say you’ve seen worse? What have you seen?”

“Nothing!” I fibbed. “Don’t believe the rumors! This campus is safe! There isn’t anything scary or abnormal here!”

“Hi, Aniela! I accidentally ordered the wrong size PE uniform, but Coach Huppert suggested I give it to you. I…” Roxy moved her feather boa away from her backpack, and in so doing, she got a mouthful of plumes that she struggled to spit out! “Sorry! I gotta wear this style ‘til my true love returns from eternal damnation!”

Aniela gazed at me questioningly, and I had no clue what to tell her. “I can explain!” I can’t comprehend why I uttered that sentence since it was a blatant lie! I had every intention of concocting some sort of rationale for this oddity that would quell Aniela’s angst, but then I got a text notification. I assumed it was Phoebe waking me from the slumber in my car that I never got, but it wasn’t, it was something far more pressing! As I sped to my vehicle, I hastily regarded Aniela, “Actually, no I can’t! Gotta go! Nice to meet you!”

I met up with a slender, pale man with his medium-length, bronze mane in a bun as he stood in the street with several of our other neighbors glimpsing at the towering flames currently engulfing the remains of Lilith’s mansion. “You got my message?” Rowan inferred from my entrance.

“No, I received a telepathic communication to arrive at this exact location at precisely this hour!” I sarcastically reacted to his statement.

“Really?” Rowan’s eyes sparkled with intrigue.

I corrected my misimpression, “No.” Rowan grew disappointed, and if this occurred in any other circumstance, I would have acted with more remorse, but I couldn’t with a house on fire! Especially that house! “What happened?”

Rowan relayed to me, “I dunno! I was in the middle of a sound bath when I smelled smoke!”

“Wow! So, it…? Wait, what’s a sound bath?” I posed to him.

“I was taking an actual bath when the incineration started!” An old man with knobby joints approached us wearing nothing but a towel. “It wasn’t any subtle build-up either- that inferno manifested out of nowhere! evidently, something angered the spirits that inhabit that land!”

Rowan conjectured, “But Richard, no one has lived there in months! No one has even set foot onto that land in seven months after that tree collapse forced the occupants out!”

My eyes shifted in a knowing manner from the last part of that speech. I knew full well that the deep chasm in that building stemmed from a hellhound that got magically induced into going unconscious, but I couldn’t tell anyone that- obviously! I was so grateful that the dwellers of this block didn’t witness that atrocity, and everyone came up with a reasonable account for what actually transpired thankfully! I disliked lying about the facts, but I also disliked everyone concluding that I lost my marbles, so I kept my mouth shut in scenarios like this!

“I’m telling you, that property is cursed!” Richard theatrically opined. “Ever since the Armand family resided there, it hasn’t stopped doing abnormal things! No one was supposed to mess with it, and that broad changed everything! The spooks are angry, and they’ve been waiting for a while to enact their revenge! It seems as though that juncture has come!”

“That’s a bit dramatic!” Rowan remarked.

Richard countered, “So is a giant blaze coming out of nowhere!” Rowan nodded in acknowledgment of this valid point, and Richard went on, “We haven’t seen the end of this mayhem! I swear, more is yet to come!”

Phoebe materialized beside us and commented, “Gosh, I hope Lilith has some decent homeowner’s insurance for this joint!” Her abruptness startled me, and she gave me an icy glower. “Why didn’t you come get me for this?”

“I didn’t wanna interrupt your meeting!” I justified myself.

“It already got interrupted by what my mom calls ‘potty problems!’ Gosh, if my digestive issues don’t exit my body one way, they got another!”

Fletcher chimed in, “I was on the toilet too! All those donuts I ate took a toll on my gut! Totally worth it!”

Aleck canvassed us, “Did Lilith ever turn off the electricity there? I wouldn’t be surprised if old wiring had something to do with it igniting like this!”

“Nope! It was the ghouls that haunt this acreage!” Richard insisted.

“I’m glad I didn’t take those curtains! They probably absorbed that cursed ju-ju!” Ginger shuddered envisioning the possibilities.

Ellie ardently expressed, “Who cares who started it? I’m glad it’s there! I hope it burns everything down! Every wall, every nail, every door…” She really emphasized that last part of her phrase, and the six of us recognized exactly why she did that. I hadn’t explored that prospect until right then- would this scorching destroy the entryway to the Netherworld? Would this put a finish to our nightmare? Clearly, since there’s more to this book beyond this page, it wasn’t, but it felt nice to entertain the fortuity! I contemplated throwing the key into the tinder to see if it would get obliterated too but then…

Whistling was heard as the mailman rolled his cart down the cul-de-sac! The gathered crowd stared at him in astonishment as he continued to deliver letters as though nothing were happening, and it was hard for any of us to understand how he could carry on as normal under these far-from-normal circumstances! He even put some ads in the burning abode! It was also incredible to see that the rotting newspapers in the receptacle remained untouched! The masses were at a loss for words, and even the firefighters were mystified! Was this typical in this dude’s world?

“Good afternoon, Mister Fenmore!” he chirped.

“Is it?” I retorted out of disbelief.

The mailman shrugged. “It’s a little hot I suppose…” I couldn’t conjure a response, but luckily, I didn’t need one. He handed me a small stack of correspondence and genially conveyed to me, “Have a blessed day!”

I shook my head from bafflement, and as I watched him hand a pile of posts to Rowan, Phoebe piped up, “What’s that?”

She indicated to an embossed envelope in my hand. I became slightly intrigued by its unusual formality, so I opened it. When I saw the contents within, I cried out, “Oh my gosh!”

The Terra-Belle Ancestors, Chapter 1

Okay, here we go again! Yes, again! I know, I know! But, before I explain how I wound up on another misadventure, I have a question for you… What do you call it when an ancestor loses control of their descendant? A bad heir day! Get it? Well, I thought it was clever, but certain individuals I know probably wouldn’t find it funny at all since the fate of the world got threatened by an evil soul trying to get revenge for… Well, it’s a long story! Usually, my opening jokes aren’t so accurate, but in this scenario, it’s right on the nose I inherited from someone who technically got this whole thing started…

Before I get into the not-so-epic saga, I should probably explain who the heck I am for those of you who haven’t read my first three novels. I highly suggest checking out the rest of the Terra-Belle series, but if you don’t have that kind of time, here’s a quick recap: My name is Connor Fenmore, and I’m a high school teacher in a suburb of Philadelphia called Terra Belle. It’s a nice, old-fashioned town with white-picket fences, mom-and-pop ships, and the occasional monster invasion! More details on that later. I moved there shortly before I turned forty for a lifestyle change, and no, it wasn’t a mid-life crisis! My ex-wife, Lilith, left me for another man, so it was just a regular crisis! In an effort to win her back, I lost everything that used to define me: a high-powered sales executive job in the city with a penthouse apartment and loads of disposable income. I lost out on that opportunity, and I could not be more thrilled about that!

No, seriously! I ended up getting a teacher job at Rosemary King High School, and I didn’t think I’d actually enjoy it, but I made the best friends I’ve ever had working there! They’ve been to Hell and back with me (literally!), and I couldn’t feel more grateful! Fletcher the PE Coach has always bent over backwards to help even when his knees hurt, and Ginger the Math Teacher isn’t afraid to get stains on her perfectly manicured outfits! Ellie the History Teacher has infinite wisdom to assist even the dumbest predicaments, and Aleck the Biology Teacher is short in stature but big in loyalty and hard work! And then there’s Phoebe…

Phoebe the American Literature Teacher left me speechless the moment I met her! For real, it was pretty embarrassing! I was instantly hooked on her looks alone, but the more I got to know her, the more I fell in love with her! She’s so clever, sweet, and funny, and even if she doesn’t care much for my humor anymore, I don’t care! I’ve never had more fun in my life! Whether we’re having a quiet night at home listening to our favorite classic rock music or stopping a dastardly villain from destroying humankind, I love having her company and can’t wait to make her my wife!

…About that dastardly villain… I met Damon when he posed as a student in his vampire form, and my friends and I have foiled his plots as a ghost and a demon too. He holds a grudge against the inhabitants of this region, and he relentlessly pursues vengeance against the populous using countless harebrained ideas! He’s evil, not smart! He harbors a special bitterness against RKHS, and apparently, it stems from something deeper than his former lover and British Lit. Teacher, Martha, dumping him! I know that sounds insane, and it is, but it gets weirder, so buckle up and enjoy the ride on this crazy train!

On a sunny, Spring morning, I stared out the window of my asymmetrical home to watch the ruins of a gaudy McMansion across the street. That abomination never fit in particularly well in this block of older, single-floored homes, but it became worse with the giant hole now exposing the innermost foundations of the abode! I could handle the terrible facade, but what lay beneath the bowels of this beast disturbed me more! Bowels of the beast? That’s actually a pretty gross metaphor! Whatever! I kept an eye on it waiting for some sign of change, but everything remained exactly the same! It drove me insane! Not that I was eager for another supernatural episode, but I anticipated it coming eventually, so I hoped I could just get it over with! As I twirled a silver spoon around in my hand, I wondered how much longer I would have to endure this restlessness for action.

“Gosh, it’s beautiful today!” I asserted in hopes of spurring a conversation that would distract me from these relentless thoughts. The weather was a pretty lame route to go, but it was all I could drum up at that juncture! I heard Phoebe retching in the bathroom adjacent to our bedroom, and while it contradicted the statement I just made, it did give me something else to focus on. “Are you okay?” I went into the bathroom with every intention of tending to her needs, but I got sidetracked by my reflection. My dark locks had more gray highlights and fewer strands that wanted to stay combed, my green irises were surrounded by red lines, and my arms and stomach were slightly more doughy. I still bore a fairly in-shape physique, but my lack of exercise was starting to become more pronounced. This was exactly the precursor to the previous mayhem…

“Really?” Phoebe stood up and put her hands on her thick curves. Her golden-brown eyes glared at me in annoyance, and her light-beige skin grew slightly flushed. I didn’t enjoy making her angry, but I kind of did because it truly highlighted her best features! “I’m hugging the toilet and puking up a storm, and you’re studying your appearance?”

I lied, “No…” She gazed at me in disbelief, so I gave up that gimmick and defended myself, “What was I supposed to do? You’ve got a ponytail on, so I couldn’t hold your hair back or anything!” She flipped the bits of her coffee-colored mane that crept over her shoulder back into place, and suddenly, the fact that she just vomited got erased from my brain completely! I wrapped my arms around her waist and smoothly offered, “Don’t worry, I’ll make you feel alright!” I leaned in for a kiss, but her breath woke up my senses! “Woah!”

As she grabbed her toothbrush, Phoebe explained, “It’s my nerves! My digestive system gets all out of whack when I’m really stressed! I had no clue planning a wedding would be so difficult! We’re a month away from the big day, and we haven’t even picked a venue! Every site that tempts me into a decision holds me back when I imagine all the ways that Damon might interrupt the ceremony! It can’t have a chandelier ‘cause he’d totally knock it down onto our guests, and it can’t be on a hill ‘cause he’d probably initiate an avalanche! Nothing seems safe! What are we gonna do? Are we gonna be okay?”

“No!” I sternly admonished the black cat pawing at the spoon still in my hand. I espied Phoebe’s surprised face, so I quickly rectified the situation, “I was talking to Jett! We can’t have her bury it again! Who knows what’ll happen if Damon got a hold of it!” Phoebe’s expression grew more fretful, and even though I entertained those same fears, I didn’t want her to succumb to her woes! I pulled her to my side and reassured her, “We’re gonna get through this exactly how we got through everything else- a mixture of fast reflexes and dumb luck! The right solution will come to us, you’ll see!”

“Aw, Connor! Do you-?” She pulled her electric toothbrush out of her mouth, and toothpaste flew everywhere! Including my blue dress shirt! Phoebe sheepishly opined, “I’m sure no one will notice!”

I disagreed, “I can’t go into a room full of teenagers with white stains on my clothing! Man, I knew we should’ve done laundry this weekend! Why didn’t we?”

Phoebe reminded me, “I bent down to load the washer, and then you got all frisky.”

“Oh, yeah!” I recalled with a mischievous grin. My visage contorted into a grimace when I remembered my task at hand. “I suppose I could simply wear a tie. I doubt anyone would find it that odd!”

“Connor! You’re wearing a tie!” a man with mocha skin, round glasses like a cartoon owl, a fatherly smile, and a checkered sweater vest observed in the crowded hall. “What’s occassion?”

I advised him, “Don’t ask!” To change the subject, I queried, “Substituting for Martha again?”

Manuel shook his head dismally. “No, but I still can’t believe she retired the way she did! No notice, merely a phone call from a cruise ship! I don’t see how falling back in love with your husband could make you retire early!”

“Uh…” I wasn’t certain on how to respond. For several months, she was hellbent on getting her dead lover back, and I sincerely thought she was going to be the reason that Damon returned and unleashed his bothersome chaos on us. When she departed out of nowhere, I was relieved a connection to Damon was gone! I hadn’t given a lot of rumination to her motive for relinquishing this ambition, but as far as I was concerned, we were better off without that devil’s mistress around! Of course, I wasn’t going to tell my boss that! He had some awareness of a paranormal presence there (it was kind of hard to ignore the monstrosities that lurked through the campus!), but he had no inkling about the origin of these disturbances. I didn’t want to spill the beans and have him conclude I’d fallen off my rocker… again…, so I veered off the topic, “So, you found a new British Lit. teacher? That’s wonderful! The kids will be thrilled to have some stability!”

“Yeah… maybe!” Manuel shifted uncomfortably. “Ms. Wymond is… Well, she’s not creepy at least! I never pictured our school being a beacon for weirdos, but a lot of the candidates were pretty… unique! I put in the ad that all the buildings were exorcised, but that didn’t seem to help! You should’ve seen this one guy! He had a bone in his hair, and…” The bell rang, so he rushed off. “We’ll chat later!”

As he scurried off to Ms. Wymond’s classroom, I peered in to catch a glimpse of her. His description intrigued me, and I was burning with curiosity about who filled Martha’s vacancy! I was flabbergasted that he managed to employ a “normal” faculty member after the county-wide rumors of us being haunted swirled, and since our last hiree turned out to secretly have a strong connection and a strong desire to help that persistent fiend, I wondered if someone else had managed to slip past Manuel’s scrutiny and planted themselves in a position to do his bidding. Was this the reason my instincts indicated that something nefarious was afoot?

A gothic girl with blue streaks in her jet-black hair spoke into her cellphone, “I gotta go, Hudd! I’m already late!” She beheld my presence in the hall, and she reacted incredulously, “Oh! Maybe I’m not actually!”

Once it dawned on me that I was tardy, I gave a quick smooch to Phoebe and dashed up the stairs. I beat Corvina to the door, and I felt it necessary to act as though nothing transpired between us seconds ago. That didn’t appear to be effective since Corvina smirked at me in the entryway and chirped, “Good morning, Mister Fenmore!”

“Good… morning!” I breathily greeted her. “Are… you… excited… to… graduate?”

“I’d be more excited if I didn’t have to switch electives mid-semester! Couldn’t they have just found a replacement for the creative writing teacher?” I took a deep inhale, and Corvina changed her tune, “Never mind! I’m not that curious!”

As she took her seat, a young lady in purple, medieval-inspired garments gasped, “Oh no! He’s wearing a tie! We must be getting, like, a really hard test or something!”

Her friend sitting next to her disputed that, “Ismeray, chill! He wouldn’t do that to us!” 

“Yurei is right! I wouldn’t put on special clothes to give out an extra difficult test!” I paused, and then I added, “I am giving out a quiz on public relations though…” The students all appeared horrified, so I attempted to solace them with, “It’s a regular quiz, I swear! Nothing too nutty!” Immediately following that declaration, a short female with her platinum-blonde hair in a feathered headband, long gloves, and a fringed dress entered the space, and I mumbled, “Speaking of nutty…”

“I belong in my beloved’s world!” Roxy affirmed in an ethereal voice. “When he sees me in an outfit from his era, he’ll understand that and take me home!”

A boy with a sandy mane and a ridiculously expensive set of designer duds puzzled, “Isn’t her ‘beloved’ that weird student who died after kidnapping his classmates?”

I reacquainted him, “Peter, what’s my policy on Roxy’s ramblings?”

“Not to ask! Oh, right! Sorry!’ Peter gave me a thumbs-up in compliance.

“You very well can ask! He shall return, and when he does, he-!” She got cut off when a piece of her headdress got stuck in the hinges of the entryway! “Why does this keep happening?”

As I handed her a piece of paper and a pencil, I remarked, “That’s a good question!”

In the teachers’ lounge, a middle-aged man with messy, strawberry-hued locks, an obtuse potbelly, and reddened, sunburnt skin broke the silence at his table by requesting, “Pass the salt.” No one made a move, so he prodded, “Uh, Aleck…”

“Hmm? Oh sorry, Fletcher!” a guy with thin, brunette strands and was at least five inches shorter than the tawny woman with ultra-feminine garb next to him hastily tried to send the shaker down, but instead, he accidentally spilled the contents in front of that woman. “Sorry, Ginger!”

“Ugh! That’s bad luck!” Ginger cringed. She grabbed a pinch and tossed it over her shoulder.

An older lady with umber flesh, brightly colored outerwear over a larger frame, and gray braids grumped, “For heavens’ sake! Be more careful! We can’t afford more misfortune!”

Aleck muttered, “I said I was sorry, Ellie! Jeez! I’m nervous too! The new person could be…”

He desisted his speech as the door swung open, but it was just me. “Did I miss her yet?”

“Not yet,” Phoebe confirmed for me. “I tried to peek into her room as I passed. I didn’t see anyone, but I heard her striving to get a child to eat fruit instead of the pizza getting served in the cafeteria! She has a high-pitched tone, but she-!” She froze as the entrance became ajar once more. Our eyes all grew wide as it happened…