The Unsuper Heroes, Part 1

EXT. MERCINON’S LAIR. STORMY DAY.

DARIUS (an eager, young assistant) heads stealthily towards his boss’s lair, which has traditional, ancient Greek style but has the architecture was designed to make the building appear haunted. Darius’s black cloak hides his toga, and the hood covers his face. Tension mounts until Darius trips on the stone path. He recovers himself, though his movements are less confident.

INT. MERCINON’S LAIR. STORMY DAY.

MERCINON ( a short, middle aged man who might be handsome if he was not so evil) stands on his beautifully wicked-looking balcony that rests next to his office, which consists of a desk, bookshelves filled with scrolls, and various strange items scattered about. Mercinon looks at the storm and thinks aloud.

MERCINON:
Look at them out there! Afraid of a little
wind and water! While they distress over
thunder and lightning, they have no idea
I have arrived and am ready to wreak
havoc! It really is amusing that they think
this storm is a monster; just wait until they
run into a real one!
(beat)
Who am I talking to? Myself, that can’t be
normal. And I’m still doing it!

There is a knock at the door.

MERCINON:
Oh, thank gods!

Darius enters. As he pulls down his hood, he sprays Mercinon with water spilling off his clothes.

DARIUS:
Oh my gods! I’m so sorry,
your highness!

MERCINON:
You idiot! I just came from a royal
bath, and now I’m going to have to
take another one!
(beat)
What is this urgent matter you wish
to discuss with me, Darius?

DARIUS:
Sire, as you know, I’ve been a faithful
servant for several years, and I’ve even
treated you as king, even though you
are not yet…

Mercinon impatiently motions for him to hurry up.

DARIUS:
Anyways, I hope you can trust my
opinions.

MERCINON:
Darius, do you remember what happened
to the last man who put a needless delay
in my day?

DARIUS:
Your hairdresser because he couldn’t find
his scissors? You fed him to the jackals.
(beat)
Oh, I get your drift. Well, sir, it’s your name.
It means full of mercy! If you wish to be
feared…

MERCINON:
I absolutely refuse to change my name!
I made a promise!

DARIUS:
I know, but your highness, your mother
is down in the underworld now. She’s
too busy having mead with Hades to
worry about-

MERCINON:
No! I promised her on her deathbed!
I will not change my name because
I’m afraid of her coming back to haunt me!
(beat)
Was that the only thing you wanted to
discuss?

DARIUS:
(hastily)
No! I thought we might release the
Menoreas tonight.

MERCINON:
Yes, the Menoreas could clean out this
hovel and give us an easier opening to
the capitol of this polis. After the
storm clears, send out the Menoreas!

Mercinon cackles evily, and Darius joins him. They do this for a good minute.

MERCINON:
I’m bored. You want to see if
my masseuse is available?

EXT. ORACLE’S TEMPLE. MORNING.

CYREK ( a retired but still attractively fit soldier) travels with his assistant, ORCUS (who is the same age but with a lot less attractive features and not as much intelligence). EST-a remote area with lots of green plants and a pathway leading to a small but nicely polished temple. Cyrek and Orcus seem to be stressed.

CYREK:
I still can’t believe this has happened
to us! Normally Chaos is such a peaceful
place!

ORCUS:
Have you told Prince Philoles yet?

CYREK:
Are you kidding? I could barely get
the senate to convene let alone send
a message to the capitol! Besides, do
you think he would have any idea how
to save Chaos from being destroyed by
a monster? No human knows how to
defeat it, so we’re calling on the gods for
help. The oracle will tell us what to do.

ORCUS:
Yes, I suppose it’s appropriate for the
senate leader to seek out advice from
beings more powerful than him so he
can save this land!

CYREK:
Actually, I wanted to stay and try to
protect the people of the village, but
when it came to vote who would see
the oracle, they elected me. Sometimes
I hate democracy!

INT. ORACLE’S TEMPLE. MORNING.

Cyrek and Orcus enter into the temple, which is lined with pink smoke. Through the haze they spot MELAMPIA (a beautiful yet intimidating young woman) hovering by her cauldron with a blindfold on. They approach her, and she continues to sway above the cauldron.

CYREK:
Melampia, it’s the senate leader, Cyrek,
from Chaos. My assistant and I have come
with an important question.

MELAMPIA:
Well, of course you have an important
question. No one enters for a cup of
tea or a pleasant chat!

CYREK:
Oh true.
(beat)
Chaos is overcome by a monster.

MELAMPIA:
The Menoreas, yes, they are the
first of several to attack.

CYREK:
You mean there’s going to be more?
What do we do? We can’t even handle
the one!

MELAMPIA:
I see a gang of heroes you must call
upon. They reside in the abandoned
smithery, just outside the village.

CYREK:
You mean…surely not! They’re the worst-

MELAMPIA:
They have the right powers.

CYREK:
The gods gave those idiots magic?
That’s it-life is officially unfair!

MELAMPIA:
If you send your soldiers, they will
all be instantly destroyed.

CYREK:
Hmm, so either they’ll save our polis
or they’ll die trying. We can’t lose!

ORCUS:
Be fair, Exelda is a good soldier.

CYREK:
She was good before she got kicked
out and started drinking. Anyways,
thank you for your time, Melampia.

ORCUS:
Wait! I just gotta know what’s in
that cauldron!

MELAMPIA:
Pomegranate soup. You may try some
if you like.

Orcus takes a spoonful and starts to sip.

MELAMPIA:
Careful, it’s got opium in it.

Orcus spits it out, and it lands back in the soup. Melampia tears off her blindfold and loses her mystical demeanor.

MELAMPIA:
Great! Now I got to start over! You
ruined it! You complete moron!

ORCUS:
You could’ve told me that before I
took a sip. I’ve got an important job-
I’ve got to keep my wits about me!

MELAMPIA:
Your wits? That’s a laugh! Do you
have any idea how long that took
to make? Ugh!

ORCUS:
Say, are you married? You’re really
beautiful…

Cyrek throws up his hands and leaves.

Temca Academy II, Part 14

INT. MADAME FATE’S ROOM.

The room looks like a dark, dank studio apartment. It has all the comforts of a home except for windows. There is a cage at the end of it where Joshua is. Babelsama is already there and smiles.

BABELSAMA:
Welcome to eternity!

They here a whoosh outside.

BABELSAMA:
I’m a resident here, and I welcomed
you, so your spirit guide went away.

TOCI:
But you’re not dead yet!

BABELSAMA:
Yet? I will be immortal!

Anielle, George, and Toci pull out their scepters. Babelsama leers.

BABELSAMA:
Don’t you think Dudley Dooright here
tried that already? Scepters don’t work
here! Only these!

Babelsama points a pitchfork at them, which sends them flying into the cage.

JOSHUA:
Hi babe!

ANIELLE:
I missed you!

BABELSAMA:
No! No happy reunion scenes! You’re
going to wait here for my girlfriend.

TOCI:
Can’t you just kill us now and get it
over with?

BABELSAMA:
No. I can’t interfere with Fate. We’re
just going to keep here so you don’t
interfere with the take over. Then you’ll
live out your lives of misery.

GEORGE:
Not that I wanna die, but wouldn’t it be
easier if you just killed us?

BABELSAMA:
No. On Earth, you can be miserable. But
if you die, you goody-goodies will go to
Heaven, and I’d rather see you suffer!

There is a knock on the door. Babelsama opens it to see Peace Officers.

BABELSAMA:
Ugh! Why do you guys always call
the PO’s?

Meretrice appears.

MERETRICE:
They didn’t. I did. And I can let them
in since I’m half goddess.

BABELSAMA:
Yes, well too bad none of you are
any use against this!

Babelsama points the pitchfork at them, and they all get crammed into the cage. There is not a lot of room left.

BABELSAMA:
Now, as we wait for Fate, would you guys
like something to eat?

He shows them a tray of appetizers.

BABELSAMA:
What? I’m not going to kill you. I’m an
excellent cook. Ask him!
(points to Joshua)

JOSHUA:
It’s true, he is.

A couple of people sample his platter. Madame Fate enters.

MADAME FATE:
You all are fools! Even if you kill
my earthly body, I will be reborn
again as an entirely different person
but with the same spirit.

MERETRICE:
Hey! I’m your daughter-why did I
get trapped?

MADAME FATE:
Babelsama’s mistaken murder of your
friend doesn’t matter anymore! You’re
in the cage, and I’m in control! Now
tonight I-

Babelsama burps. There is some spit, which he wipes off.

MADAME FATE:
Gross. Anyways, tonight, it is foretold
that we will conceive a child again! And
this one will live! So, nice try, heroes,
but game over, we win! Come, Babelsama,
let us fornicate so we may take our rightful
place on Earth!

They head into the bedroom. Everyone except Anielle turns away in disgust, trying not to listen. Meretrice looks to Anielle.

MERETRICE:
You don’t think that burp was…?

ANIELLE:
Wait for it, wait for it…

Beat. Madame Fate screams in disgust. Babelsama comes out of the room with his clothes disheveled.

MADAME FATE:
Where did you get that STD?

BABELSAMA:
Oh no! That party! I got all hazy and
I thought I dreamt of sleeping with a
younger version of you!

MADAME FATE:
Younger version of me?

She looks over to Meretrice, who smiles and waves.

MERETRICE:
I used to wonder why I was abandoned
as a baby and why I always felt like I had
eyes watching me. Now it all makes sense.
I’m glad I didn’t grow up here! But, one
question remains-who’s my father?

MADAME FATE:
Oh, some other idiot that tried to take
over the world. I can’t control Fate, I
only interpret it. The Big Man upstairs
gives you options, and it’s up to you what
to do about it, how far you can reach.
(to Anielle)
You were gonna end up a crazy cat lady
only if I succeeded. I guess I can’t avoid
Fate any more than the rest of you. I’m
gonna scrap this rusty old body and be
reborn again in a hundred years when this
really hot guy wants to take over the world!

Madame Fate takes her pitchfork and releases everyone.

MERETRICE:
I’m gonna need a death certificate
from you.

MADAME FATE:
Of course.

BABELSAMA:
What about me?

MADAME FATE:
You’re not gonna be popular
on campus anymore. Go ahead,
officers, arrest him.

The Peace Officers arrest him.

BABELSAMA:
(to the main four)
Don’t get too comfortable;
I will be back!

ANIELLE:
Back in Hell, certainly.
(to the officers)
Oh, he can turn into a bat;
that’s how he escaped last time.

Babelsama growls. The Peace Officers leave. Anielle, Toci, George, and Joshua follow happily.

EXT. FAUK CLUB. NIGHT.

Everyone is waiting for the ceremony to start. Joshua gets on stage.

JOSHUA:
Hello! I’m still alive, but I’d like to
inform you that Babelsama was
responsible for not only my kidnapping
but the murder of an innocent woman.
So sorry, your cult is gonna have to
disband.

BRUNETTE GIRL:
We’re not a cult! We are an organization
that moves to follow a glorious leader…
(beat)
Oh damn, we are a cult!

Everyone walks away disappointed.

ALBERTO:
Does that mean I’m not gonna
sleep with someone famous?

ANIELLE:
Famous, no. But have you met
my friend Circe?

Circe hears her name and comes over to her.

ANIELLE:
Circe, meet Alberto.

CIRCE:
Hi!

ALBERTO:
Hello!

EXT. BROOM FOOTBALL FIELD. NIGHT.

Toci, George, Anielle and Joshua walk across the field, not seeing the Peace Officers on the other end.

JOSHUA:
I thought I was gonna be a year
behind on my classes, but they said
since I helped improve their policies
that they’ll omit some of my classes!
At least after all this they’re gonna
start treating every murder equally.

Cassius walks up to them.

CASSIUS:
I’m really sorry I put your life
in danger, Frederick. If it makes
you feel any better, I was demoted
to Crime Solver Assistant.

JOSHUA:
It helps a little.

CASSIUS:
Anyways, can you identify this body?

They walk over to see Blanche’s body.

TOCI:
We just know her name is Blanche. How
did she die?

CRIME SOLVER:
It appears she fell off her broom
after crashing into that goal post.

GEORGE:
Awwww!
(whispers to Toci)
Is it bad if I’m not sorry she’s gone?
I mean, we just saw how happy
she is now!

JOSHUA:
(to Anielle)
Psst! Let me steal you for a minute!

ANIELLE:
Okay!

Anielle and Joshua leave. Chad enters, frantically looking for Toci. Toci finds him and runs up to him.

TOCI:
Chad!

She throws her arms around him and kisses him.

CHAD:
I heard about your rescue mission,
and I was certain I was going to lose
you! Tell me, when you were in Hell,
did you notice if premarital sex was
still a sin or not?

TOCI:
As long as it’s consensual and we’re
not related.

She hugs him gleefully.

EXT. BOTANICAL GARDEN. NIGHT.

Joshua leads her to a bridge over a small botanical garden. Strings of lights are hung along the trees, making a romantic glow. Joshua faces Anielle.

JOSHUA:
Anielle, there was something I wanted
to tell you before our little adventure.
I love you so much! You save me from
eternal torment, both literally and
figuratively. No one else had made me
feel this happy, this hopeful, this loved.
Before anything else crazy, happens I
want to give you something so you know
that no matter what happens, I will always
feel this way!

Joshua reaches into his pocket and gets down on one knee. Anielle gasps in anticipation. Joshua fights back joyful tears.

JOSHUA:
Will you marry me?

ANIELLE:
(crying)
Yes, of course!

He puts the ring on her, and they share a passionate embrace. There is a flash of light, and they look over to see George taking a picture.

GEORGE:
That was hot! Can you kiss her like
that again so I can get it from a
different angle?

ANIELLE:
Shut up, you perv!

GEORGE:
Congratulations dude!

He hugs Joshua then Anielle.

GEORGE:
I’m going to throw you a fiesta,
amigos!

INT. DOG HOUSE. NIGHT.

A party unfolds to celebrate the engagement. Toci comes up to Anielle with a big grin on her face.

ANIELLE:
Oh no, why are you so happy?

TOCI:
I did it!

GEORGE:
O-day-lays!

TOCI:
Ugh! You have to ruin everything!
Look, you don’t have to “act” Mexican
-you are Mexican! Just act like yourself
and stop trying to be a stereotype!

George sits down sadly as the girls go off to gossip. MARNIE (slim, Asian, good looking, casually dressed) sits next to him.

MARNIE:
What’s wrong?

GEORGE:
Apparently I’m not being a good
Mexican!

MARNIE:
Oh, I hear that! My parents always
expect me to be a brainiac, like they
expect all Asians to grow up to be a
healer or accountant. But all I wanna do
is play Air Softball and drink beer! I’m
supposed to dress like a geisha, be all
proper and virginal. Sometimes all I
want is a good lay!

George looks at her with interest.

GEORGE:
My name is George.

MARNIE:
I’m Marnie.

They shake hands and smile at each other.

EXT. DOG HOUSE. MORNING.

Anielle, George, Joshua, and Toci wake up on the lawn. George is in his boxers, Toci has a clump of plants in her hands and pockets, and Anielle and Joshua have switched clothes.

TOCI:
What happened?

GEORGE:
Ooh, I got Marnie’s phone number!

TOCI:
Who’s Marnie?

GEORGE:
I have no idea! She better be hot!

JOSHUA:
What’s this? A business card for Meretrice’s
House of Love. Oh, must’ve taken over Madame
Fate’s old shop and became a madame. I love
how it has bookstore in quotes.

ANIELLE:
Well, let’s go pack and go home. Hopefully
the skies are clear and Babelsama doesn’t
ambush us on the way home! I hope his
next lair is some place nice, like a tropical
beach!

JOSHUA:
As long as he doesn’t interrupt our wedding,
I’m good!

TOCI:
Do you really thing he’ll be back again?

ALL:
Yes!

They laugh, get up, and walk inside. There is a glimmer in the sky. Scotty walks by and hisses at it. The glimmer fades away.

CUT TO CREDITS.

Temca Academy II, Part 13

INT. HELL LOBBY.

They enter into a small lobby that sort of looks like a one window DMV with no chairs. The lobby is empty except for the CLERK. Anielle, George, and Toci walk towards the clerk but are interrupted when a man’s spirit (looks like a normal man but is transparent) pops up from the floor. He goes up to the clerk.

CLERK:
Welcome to Hell! Name please.

SPIRIT MAN:
Hell? Why am I here?

CLERK:
I can tell you but first I need your
name.

SPIRIT MAN:
Well, maybe I won’t tell you and
then you gotta send me back!

CLERK:
Let’s see my scheduled deaths today.

The clerk looks at a clipboard.

CLERK:
Ah, you must be Bartholomew Baycity.
You’re here because you robbed a girl
scout, so that’ll be breaking the commandment
against stealing. Plus gluttony since you ate
all her cookies in one weekend.

SPIRIT MAN:
Oh yeah!

CLERK:
You can go to Heaven if you apologize!

SPIRIT MAN:
Never!

CLERK:
(rolls eyes)
Whatever. Room 1112749. Bye!

The Spirit Man gets sucked back down.

CLERK:
Oh, livings! What brings you here
today?

ANIELLE:
A man named Joshua Frederick
was taken captive here by Babelsama
and Madame Fate. We’re here to rescue him.

CLERK:
There’s only three ways you can go down to
Hell. One-if you’re invited by one of our
residences. Two-if you die. And three-if
you go through the tour with one our guides.
Don’t worry, the guides are technically angels-
like me! We choose to work here for the same
reason people choose to be peace officers-to
carry out justice. We live in Heaven though.

TOCI:
Good to know. We’ll do the tour then.

CLERK;
Very well. I’ll send in your guide.
Thanks for dropping by!

A door appears next to the window and out comes Blanche.

BLANCHE:
Wow, I thought I’d never see you
guys again!

GEORGE:
Blanche! But you’re not dead!

BLANCHE:
Someone needs to check the Broom
Football Field! Come-no one will harm
you as long as I’m around.

They reluctantly follow her through the door.

INT. LAYER ONE.

The first layer looks like a giant jungle around the edges with a giant field whose grass is half dead. People are running around, terrified.

BLANCHE:
This is layer one-which punishes crimes
against nature. Their spirits are involved
in a daily hunt where demons chase them
and if they’re caught, they are skinned and
made into the demon’s underwear. This
punishment serves a variety of sins, including
destroying habitats and cruelty to animals.

They see a demon ride across the field on a motorcycle. Blanche leads them down a flight of stairs.

INT. LAYER TWO.

This room looks like a giant movie theatre but again with no seats. People all watch a blank screen.

BLANCHE:
This is crimes against loved ones. Sinners
here are subjected to watch images they
find truly horrific. The sins here are for
people who do something to harm people
who love them-like child abuse or murdering
a spouse to collect the insurance money.

SINNER:
Octomom’s sex tape! Nooooooo!

Blanche leads them downstairs.

INT. LAYER THREE.

This room appears to be a demented, endless obstacle course.

BLANCHE:
Layer three is for sins against nations,
where leaders of any sort get punished
for cruelty to their people. It’s also for
citizens who commit treason or war crimes.
This obstacle course includes swimming
through acid and climbing a mountain of
thorns. There are hundreds of traps like this.

Blanche takes them downstairs again.

INT. LAYER FOUR.

This room appears to be a giant, medieval torture chamber. People cry out in pain and agony.

BLANCHE:
This is punishment for crimes against
humanity. This branch ranges from child
pornography all the way to sociopathic murder.

Blanche takes them downstairs.

INT. LAYER FIVE.

This layer is fire and brimstone. People in the lava try to escape but keep getting impeded by demons.

BLANCHE:
This is what most humans think of
when they think of Hell. It’s for crimes
against God. Basically, it’s a number of
sins done in the name of God. It includes
a sadistic religious group, perverting
religion to justify genocide, and many more.

Blanche leads them downstairs again.

INT. LAYER SIX.

It appears to be a dark, unkempt hotel hall. It looks cold and bleak.

BLANCHE:
This is where sinners can take a short
break. It gives them a chance to ask
forgiveness and relive the horrors of
the day. Some people truly end up sorry
and leave. If you want to continue sinning,
you go back to your layer.

ANIELLE:
Finally! Where does Madame Fate live?

BLANCHE:
This way.

INT. DEMON HALL.

BLANCHE:
This is the residence of demons. See that
ornate building over there? That’s Lucifer’s
room. He runs this place.

ANIELLE:
Great. Will you wait here while we
go take care of something?

BLANCHE:
No problem!

GEORGE:
You are so much more pleasant to
hang around now!

BLANCHE:
I’m an angel; I’m not going to cause
you any discomfort!

They smile at her and step inside Madame Fate’s room.

Temca Academy II, Part 12

EXT. MADAME FATE’S SHOP. AFTERNOON.

Meretrice stands beside Anielle, who has disguised herself with a blonde wig and some high brand clothes.

ANIELLE:
Remember, lead her down the opposite
direction I’m standing. And don’t let her
catch you because she’ll kill you!

MERETRICE:
I know exactly what to do. If I didn’t
know how to escape from people, I’d
get arrested like every day!

ANIELLE:
There’s our cue! Go!

Anielle walks up to Circe.

ANIELLE:
I totally forgot our sales pitch for
those shoes in the window!

CIRCE:
Okay! This high heel is designed for comfort…

Meretrice opens the door to Madame Fate’s shop.

MERETRICE:
Hello, mother! Yes, that’s right. Your
boyfriend killed the wrong person!
And I’m gonna tell everyone what
you did!

Meretrice gets on her broom and flies away. Madame Fate exits the shop and looks around. She sees Circe talking to a blonde woman and pays them no attention. She summons her broom and flies away.

ANIELLE:
(interrupts Circe)
I remember now, thanks!

She rushes to Madame Fate’s shop.

CIRCE:
I love the new hair, by the way!

INT. MADAME FATE’S SHOP. AFTERNOON.

Anielle rushes over to the purple curtain, holding her broom. After she draws the curtain, she sees a deep hole.

ANIELLE:
Joshua, here I come!

She hops on her broom and flies down the tunnel.

EXT. HELL’S GATE. AFTERNOON.

Anielle finds the exit right next to an empty well. The town looks like a western ghost town. A few eccentric Mexicans and a couple of tourists roam the street. Anielle walks up to HOMBRE (a strange, Mexican cowboy).

ANIELLE:
Excusez mey, donde esta la
Puerta del Dominicio?

HOMBRE:
Esta-la.

He points out in the desert. Anielle can see a faint structure in the distance.

ANIELLE:
Gracias.

EXT. HELL DESERT. AFTERNOON.

Anielle flies through the desert, but the winds become so strong that it makes it hard to navigate. Anielle is already feeling the heat. Suddenly, she feels a hand on her shoulder.

TOCI:
Hey, when did you learn Spanish?

ANIELLE:
Don’t do that! You almost gave me
a heart attack!

TOCI:
Sorry! I was on a date with Chad and
I was gonna return these stripper boots,
but Circe told me you went into Madame
Fate’s shop, so I knew what you were
about to do.

ANIELLE:
I didn’t think you’d come.

TOCI:
Were you starting to believe that
stupid prophecy? Silly girl! I’ve
been busy, but I wouldn’t let you
do this alone!

ANIELLE:
Thanks! What did Chad say?

TOCI:
I told him I’m gonna battle a demi
goddess and a master villain in Hell.
Then I ran. I can’t imagine the look
on his face!

ANIELLE:
So, something I’ve been wondering, if
you think sex is so important, why are
you still with Chad?

TOCI:
Because it’s the first time someone respects
me for my mind! So, seriously, you speak
Spanish?

ANIELLE:
Not a lot. Just some basic expressions
I picked up from our maids.

EXT. HELL ENTRANCE. AFTERNOON.

Anielle and Toci land with messed up hair and watery eyes.

TOCI:
That was an ordeal!

ANIELLE:
Oh, I just realized I must’ve dropped
my wig!

GEORGE (OS):
What do you need a wig for?

ANIELLE:
George?

George appears around the side of the cave-like boulder.

TOCI:
Hey! Why don’t you look all
messed up?

GEORGE:
I just flew higher and dove. My
grandfather said that’s how he
got here. Apparently he comes
here once a week to piss on some
dude’s marking he used to know.

ANIELLE:
Marking?

GEORGE:
Sometimes the people who enter here
get their name and their sin carved on
the wall to serve as an example or whatever.

TOCI:
Where’s the door?

GEORGE:
Grandpa said you have to make
payment of some sort.

ANIELLE:
It’s blood.

TOCI:
Why is it blood?

ANIELLE:
It’s always blood! Do you see
a coin slot?

Anielle takes out her scepter and magically cuts a gash on her arm. She flips her arm over so the blood drops onto the rocks. An entrance magically appears. Anielle seals her wound.

TOCI:
(reads a sign above the door)
“Abandon all hope ye who enter here.”
Why would anyone wanna live here?

GEORGE:
Wow, so we’re going to enter Hell. This
is starting to feel like a suicide mission.

ANIELLE:
What choice do we have?

They take a deep breath and enter.

Temca Academy II, Part 11

INT. FAUK CLUB. NIGHT.

The FAUK Club is having a crowded party. Anielle enters arm in arm with Alberto.

ALBERTO:
I knew you’d come crawling to me
one day! It’s impossible to resist me-
I have golden blood!

ANIELLE:
(sarcastic)
A god amongst mortals!

ALBERTO:
You know it, babe!

Anielle looks away from him and rolls her eyes.

ALBERTO:
So, you wanna head upstairs and
succumb to destiny?

ANIELLE:
Uh…buy me a drink first!

ALBERTO:
Be right back, sweetness!

Anielle looks disgusted. A moment later, she sees Meretrice trying to leave while burping up something.

ANIELLE:
Are you okay?

MERETRICE:
I’m fine, just another outburst.
I’m burping up blood.

Anielle sees her blood is orange.

ANIELLE:
Why is your blood orange?
(gasps)
You’re half god! Madame Fate! That’s why
they wanted you dead! This kid they’re trying
to conceive is heir to their non-existent throne!

MERETRICE:
Wait, you think Madame Fate is real? And
she’s my mother?

ANIELLE:
It makes sense! Why else would Babelsama
kill Deirdre? He thought it was you! They
must see you as a threat!

Anielle brings out the vial she took from Toci.

ANIELLE:
Do us all a favor and use this to
seduce Babelsama!

MERETRICE:
Why do you want me to seduce my
supposed stepfather?

ANIELLE:
So he’ll catch your disease!

MERETRICE:
And my apparent mother won’t wanna
have sex with him! Clever! But he won’t
know he has it for three weeks or so.

ANIELLE:
Then in three weeks I’m going to Hell!
Thank you!

Anielle leaves. Alberto comes back with a drink.

ALBERTO:
Where’d she go?

MERETRICE:
I’ll take that!

She puts the potion in the drink and leaves Alberto standing alone, looking confused.

INT. ANIELLE AND TOCI’S ROOM. EVENING.

It is dark and pouring rain. Anielle looks out the window to the FAUK Club.

ANIELLE:
It looks like a bat out of hell. Babelsama
could probably turn into a bat! I can’t
believe Madame Fate is real!

A black cat comes limping over to her window on the brick sill.

ANIELLE:
No, no, no! You go away!

Anielle shuts the window. The cat limps over, sits, and meows pathetically. Anielle takes pity on the animal and lets him in. She uses her wand to dry it.

ANIELLE:
Aw, you broke your paw! I can fix
that. I’m going to be an emergency
healer, you know.

She grabs a vial of potion off her shelf.

ANIELLE:
I usually use this on my friend, George,
after he gets hurt playing broom football.
He’s out getting Spanish lessons right now.
Toci insisted he do that! Toci is my friend too.
She is doing an erotic dance for Chad to seduce
him, but it’ll never work! At least, I think we’re
all still friends. I don’t see them often anymore.
I just hope it’s a coincidence that Madame Fate’s
prediction for me seems to be happening. I wish
my boyfriend, Joshua, were here. He was
kidnapped by Babelsama, Madame Fate’s new
boyfriend. They’re trying to take over the world,
but you know what, I’m not gonna let that happen!
I’m going to Hell to rescue Joshua even if I
gotta go alone!

The cat mews happily.

ANIELLE:
The potion kicked in, I see. I gotta take
a potion now too, for my allergies.
Better make a whole cauldron of it if
you’re gonna stay. I believed in free
will, but now it feels like fate is against me.
Fate is technically against me.

The cat jumps off the bed and makes a bed out of her black and red pom-poms. Anielle laughs.

ANIELLE:
Hey, our mascot is the Black Cats.
Maybe you can be on our squad as
the mascot. I’m gonna name you Scotty!

Anielle sees a picture of Joshua and sighs sadly.

EXT. FAUK CLUB. AFTERNOON.

A stage has been built outside of the FAUK Club. A lot of the members are helping to set it up. Anielle is walking with Meretrice.

MERETRICE:
Toci shouldn’t complain. If she didn’t
want the cat to eat any of her plants,
she should’ve put a protective spell
around them. Especially the cat nip.

ANIELLE:
Thank you! I know she thinks taking
Chad swimming will arouse him, but
he’s gonna look the other way!

Alberto approaches them.

ALBERTO:
Did I hear the word “aroused?”

ANIELLE:
Madame Fate said you’d sleep with
someone famous. You know who’s
gonna be famous? Babelsama!

BLONDE GIRL:
Go away, you unbeliever! We believe!

CROWD:
(chants)
We believe! We believe! We believe!

ANIELLE:
(to Meretrice)
That is it! I’m ending this tonight!
It’s been close enough to three weeks!

MERETRICE:
So, does that mean you have an idea
how to get into Madame Fate’s shop?

ANIELLE:
Yeah. I just got an idea!

Temca Academy II, Part 10

INT. GEOGRAPHY CLASS. MORNING.

Anielle enters the fairly large class with the walls being a giant map. Anielle sees Alberto and a bunch of others staring excitedly out the window. Anielle goes to check it out.

ANIELLE:
What are we looking at?

RED HAIRED GIRL:
Look! They’re giving us a building!

Anielle looks out the window. INTERCUT- a group of wizards constructing a FAUK club building. So far, it looks like a small club house. INTERCUT BACK.

ANIELLE:
Well, at least the DOG House won’t
be the most made fun of building
on campus anymore!

MAN 3:
You were never a believer in the
leader, were you?

ANIELLE:
I think everyone has free will and
you are in the middle of a self-
fulfilling prophecy.

PROFESSOR ERMETES peers out the window.

PROFESSOR ERMETES:
Ah, some new geography to our
campus. How about now we focus
on the lecture I’m going to give?

Everyone starts to return to their seats, giving Anielle dirty looks.

ALBERTO:
You know, this boyfriend of yours is
still missing. You must be…needy…

ANIELLE:
I’d never do it with a stupid FAUK’er!

ALBERTO:
Well, then you’ll be alone forever.

ERMETES:
That’s enough!

Anielle and Alberto sit down.

ERMETES:
You can discuss the leader later
at the meeting tonight. I’m bringing
my macaroon recipe!

Anielle sits down and sighs.

INT. DORM LOUNGE. NIGHT.

Anielle talks to PETER (rigid, jet black hair, square glasses, somber expression) on her laptop.

PETER:
I’m so glad I’ve gotten some free time!
If my Antarctica conference wasn’t
cancelled at the last minute, I’d still
be stuck at the office! Sarah is angry
I keep having to postpone the wedding.
How did your dad manage three marriages.

ANIELLE:
No idea. Why don’t you ask him? Don’t
you work for him?

PETER:
I never see him since I’m always in
my office. If I do see him, he’s too
busy to talk.

ANIELLE:
Yeah, everyone is too busy to talk
to me. I’m glad we stayed in touch!

PETER:
What’s wrong?

ANIELLE:
Well, you probably heard that my
boyfriend was kidnapped.

PETER:
Does the kidnapper know that your
dad cut you off?

ANIELLE:
They’re not asking for a ransom. I have
no idea why he was kidnapped. Every
time I get close to a lead, something
gets in the way.

PETER:
Wow, that sounds tough.

ANIELLE:
And on top of that, there’s this FAUK club-

PETER:
A what club?

ANIELLE:
Future Apprentices of University Kingdom.
Basically, they believe the new President
of Temca Academy will be a glorious new
leader that will spread his ideas all over
the world.

PETER:
Why would they believe that?

ANIELLE:
They believe it cuz a psychic told them
it would happen.

PETER:
How preposterous!

ANIELLE:
Thank you! You’re the only one that
seems to agree with me on that. The
club has been getting stronger and stronger.
They know I’m not a believer, so they treat
me like an outcast. I’m just glad it’s spring
break. With an empty dorm, I don’t have
to be stuck in my room or worry about
people giving me dirty looks in the halls.

PETER:
Aren’t your friends there?

ANIELLE:
No. Toci bought a cruise ticket to try
and seduce her boyfriend, Chad. George
is in Mexico supposedly looking for where
Babelsama ran off to, but I think he’s there
visiting his grandfather and to try to “be
more Mexican.”

PETER:
If he’s trying to find a criminal, he should
try to find a tunnel. Most criminals use
them to try and elude authorities. Let
me check my maps. Yes, there’s an
underground tunnel that goes from the
magical shops in DC to Puerta del Domincio.

ANIELLE:
To where?

PETER:
It’s a small, creepy tourist town in
Mexico. It literally translates to
Hell’s Gate.

Anielle gasps in understanding.

PETER:
But the underground tunnels aren’t
just for criminals. Sure, they disguise
themselves as animals and go undetected,
but they’re going to perfect underground
security soon. The tunnel is also used for-

ANIELLE:
Thanks Peter! You’ve been helpful.

PETER:
Okay, well glad I could help. Well, I
better go. Good luck now!

ANIELLE:
I thought you didn’t believe in luck!

Peter shrugs and signs off.

INT. JOSHUA AND GEORGE’S ROOM. AFTERNOON.

Toci tends to George’s massive sunburn. Anielles sits on Joshua’s empty bed.

GEORGE:
Yeah, my grandfather said he used
the DDD Tunnel to get to America.
I tried to travel there, but it hurt to
fly with these sunburns.

TOCI:
So, you sunbathed nude cuz you
thought you’d get tan enough to
look more Mexican?

GEORGE:
It’s not like I spent a thousand pieces
on a cruise to seduce a virgin! Which
didn’t even work! Close as you got was
him behind you in a conga line!

ANIELLE:
Thanks for asking about my spring break,
by the way! I did learn something important
actually. I think I know where Babelsama
is hiding out. He lives in Hell. The tunnel
must go to Madame Fate’s shop. If we take
that tunnel, we can go to Puerta del Dominicio
and rescue Joshua, who is literally in Hell!

GEORGE:
So, you want to break into Madame Fate’s
shop, go to Hell, and battle Babelsama
plus whatever demon he has working for him?

ANIELLE:
I’m not gonna go without a plan. Babelsama
can be outsmarted. The hardest part will be
breaking into Madame Fate’s shop.

TOCI:
Man, this would be a kick ass action
movie if weren’t full of stupid people!

Circe stumbles in, drunk, and falls face first into the room.

CIRCE:
Sorry! I thought this was this hot guy
I met at the FAUK party! Oops, they
don’t like it when I say that!
(to Anielle)
Do I know you?

ANIELLE:
No.

CIRCE:
Okay. Bye byeeeee!

She walks away. A crash is heard from a distance.

TOCI:
Look, before you go to Hell, find a way
for Babelsama to stop having sex. He must
be seducing someone at that party. It’s not
fair! That evil vato gets to score and I don’t!
That’s it! I’m gonna do it!

Toci brings a vial out of her pocket.

TOCI:
I’m putting this in his drink and
I’m having my way with him!

Anielle takes the vial away.

ANIELLE:
Will you stop thinking about sex
for one minute! Just think about
getting into that party.

GEORGE:
Are you lock-o? No one there
likes you!

ANIELLE:
Actually, one person does…

Temca Academy II, Part 9

INT. CONFERENCE HALL. AFTERNOON.

Anielle, George, and Toci are dressed in business wear and scan the hall. A group of extremely attractive men walk by, which gets the girls’ attention.

ANIELLE:
Wow, if something happens to Joshua,
I know where I’m finding my next man!

GEORGE:
You shouldn’t look at other guys.

ANIELLE:
Why not? It’s not like a have a ring
on my finger!

Toci chokes on her drink.

GEORGE:
K pass-o?

Another group of hot guys walk by.

TOCI:
Man, it must be some kind of hot
guy convention!

GEORGE:
No way! I would’ve been invited
to that!

A group of guys stop for pictures.

GEORGE:
It’s not fair! I’m attractive, so why
won’t they invite me to their convention?

MAN 2:
You wanna come?

GEORGE:
Finally!

George leaves with them. Meretrice approaches them looking messy and physically exhausted.

MERETRICE:
Whew! So many boys, so little time!

Toci grumbles jealously.

ANIELLE:
I’ll bet with that hot guy convention!

MERETRICE:
You mean the Gayzard convention?
You know, gay wizards conference?

Toci and Anielle burst out laughing. Anielle immediately stops laughing when she sees Babelsama in the crowd. Babelsama sees her too and runs away in a panic. Anielle follows him.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM. AFTERNOON.

Anielle runs into the room, but Babelsama is nowhere in sight. The room is expansive and pretty packed.

TOCI:
Did you lose him?

ANIELLE:
No, I found him and captured him.
I think he’s gonna make a speech soon.

George appears looking ticked off. Toci and Anielle snicker.

GEORGE:
You did that on purpose!

TOCI:
We could not have planned something
so hilarious!

Babelsama comes on stage, and the crowd becomes quiet and pays attention.

BABELSAMA:
Welcome to the FLA. I was invited here
by the Future Apprentices of University
Kingdom.

AUDIENCE MEMBER:
The FAUK?

BABELSAMA:
No, don’t call it that! Anyways, I wanted
to share with you my ideas for how to run
a university or even run a country more
efficiently. Now, I think it’s only fair the
hardest working people obtain the greatest
reward, and people who do nothing should
be punished. We cannot remain passive. One
should always strive for more and more. Loyalty
is important. The more people work for the leader,
the better their lives should be. If he’s a good leader,
and someone does not follow him, they should be
severely punished!

The crowd agrees with him. Babelsama looks directly at George, Toci, and Anielle, who glare at him. He turns back to the crowd.

BABELSAMA:
If elected university president, I would make
several important changes. We’d start with the
budget. I’d cut…

A paper airplane lands by him. He reads it and frowns profusely.

BABELSAMA:
I’m sorry but my girlfriend just
miscarried. I’ll finish this speech
another time!

He tries to leave but Anielle binds him. The crowd looks at her like she is insane.

ANIELLE:
This man is a murder suspect!

BABELSAMA:
It was self defense! Please, let me go
to my girlfriend!

The crowd gets angry and helps him up. As he leaves, a peace officer comes and arrests Anielle.

INT. WITCHES PRISON. EVENING.

Anielle sits in a corner alone. A few other women are in the small, dingy room with her but pay her no attention. A pink force field acts as a door. Some guards approach and Anielle looks hopeful. They throw someone in and leave. Anielle hangs her head in disappointment.

MERETRICE:
Never thought I’d share a cell with you!

ANIELLE:
Meretrice? Why are you here?

MERETRICE:
Why do you think? It happens every
few months or so. I stay a few days
and go back out. Never been to Arizona’s
Witches Prison though. Theirs is nicer.

ANIELLE:
This is nice?

MERETRICE:
Not as nice as the one in England though.
Theirs is the best. Well, that’s what I’m told.
Deirdre was originally from there. She would
go back and visit her cousinoccasionally. She was
so lucky to have family. I always wondered how
someone could abandon a baby.

ANIELLE:
Family is overrated sometimes. My mom
lives in Canada with her husband. Both of
them are too busy partying to really pay
attention to me or my sister. Leila and I
got disowned by our father because the
men and career choices we picked weren’t
approved by Neiman.

MERETRICE:
My foster parents never approved of my
career choice either. We’re a lot alike,
except your best friends are still here.

ANIELLE:
Some best friends! Where were they when
I was being arrested? Why haven’t they
bailed me out? I keep thinking about what
Madame Fate said-your friends will abandon you.

MERETRICE:
That’s not very nice. Most psychics tell
people good things so they’ll come back
and say nice things again.

ANIELLE:
She works for Babelsama.

MERETRICE:
Well then, why would you give any
merit to what she says? Anyways,
if you wanna get bailed out, I got
plenty of cash.

ANIELLE:
Thanks. But you’ll be coming back to
campus, right?

MERETRICE:
Uh huh! I usually don’t sleep with men
so attractive and young, so this has been nice!

INT. ANIELLE AND TOCI’S ROOM. NIGHT.

Anielle is on her laptop and pouts. Toci enters and is surprised to see Anielle.

TOCI:
Oh, you’re here! So, they let you out
of jail?

ANIELLE:
Meretrice bailed me out. Thanks for
all of your help!

TOCI:
We were following Babelsama! He flew
to Mexico.

ANIELLE:
Mexico? But, he’s been all his time here.
If he has a girlfriend he knocked up, she
should be here. One of these days we gotta
disguise ourselves and just follow him all day.

George passes by.

TOCI:
George, come here!

George enters.

GEORGE:
What?

TOCI:
I have an idea of why Chad doesn’t
want a piece of this.

ANIELLE:
Oh, here we go…

TOCI:
Maybe he’s gay!

GEORGE:
I don’t think he’s gay. Guys in denial
still act like gay guys.

TOCI:
But I wanna make sure. So, I want you
to go with us on our date tomorrow
and at the end of the night, ask if you
wanna do a threesome.

GEORGE:
Absolutely not! I love you, Toci, but
in a platonic way. I never risk friendships
for a booty call…anymore.

TOCI:
We’re not really gonna do it! I just
wanna see if he likes the idea. If he’s
gay, he’d love to experiment with you.
but if he does go for it, I’ll take his
virginity and we’ll both leave!

ANIELLE:
Your schemes are getting more and more
senseless by the minute!

TOCI:
Please George! I don’t ask for a lot of
favors!

GEORGE:
Fine! But you’ll have to buy me a
lot of drinks first!

George leaves.

TOCI:
What’s wrong, Anielle? Normally
you get a big kick out of this.

ANIELLE:
I have more important things on my
mind. Believe it or not, I don’t view
your sex life as top priority.

TOCI:
You miss Joshua, don’t you?

ANIELLE:
Of course I miss Joshua! I miss the way he
made me feel about myself. He made me
feel truly wanted. And I miss his sweet little
comments and his passionate kisses. Sure, he’d
drive me crazy sometimes, but I even miss that.
I miss the petty arguments we’d get into. I
remember a lot of times we’d lie in bed
together and he’d let out a huge fart, so I’d
kick him out of bed. I miss his smelly farts!

TOCI:
You miss his farts?!? Wow, you must
really love him!

ANIELLE:
I do. But I’m not just thinking about that.
It drives me crazy that Babelsama is so
close and we have no idea what he gets up
to! What did Joshua’s clue mean? I keep
wondering why they kidnapped him instead
of murdering him. I’m grateful he’s alive, don’t
get me wrong, but why would they keep him
around? Sometimes I fear that Madame Fate
will turn out to be right about me becoming
a crazy cat lady!

TOCI:
Oh, if you want to get a cat, there’s a
potion recipe for allergies on page
seventy two of my household cure book.

ANIELLE:
And there’s Toci with the big picture!

TOCI:
Look on the bright side-classes resume
tomorrow! Aren’t you excited about
what you may learn?

Anielle rolls her eyes and closes her laptop. She leaves the room with her toothbrush and a cup of tooth polish potion.

TOCI:
She really needs to get laid!