“Gah! It’s the ugliest monster of them all!” I exclaimed as I stared at the newly opened doorway.
Damon gazed at me quizzically. “Uh… It’s me!”
I smirked at him knowing precisely how much my snide attitude would irk him. “I know!”
“Ooh!” Damon boiled at my derision. “You’re just petty! And, you’re insane! Have you explored much of this realm? I’m far more attractive than all of the inhabitants of this cesspit!”
“Mmm… No! I think Lilith is loads better looking!” I needled him. Truthfully, I resorted to messing with him since his presence always signified a monumental disruption, and resorting to this measure soothed my riled–up nerves! Besides, getting under his skin would disarm him a bit, which would make it easier to impede him from… whatever he had in store for visiting this establishment!
Damon appeared rather puzzled by my assertion. “Lilith is here? I thought she… Oh, you meant the dinosaur that failed to consume you!”
I peered at him suspiciously. “Why would you believe my former wife was here? Didn’t you pass by her as you escaped from Hell?” For a brief instance, I fretted that perhaps Lilith’s spirit had taken a cue from Damon’s and decided to haunt me in some form, but then I recalled that this action would require a pledge to service, and my ex was way too pampered to ever reach an agreement of that sort! Still, his reaction was somewhat perplexing, and I wondered if it stemmed from more than his mere stupidity…
“Uh, excuse me!” Doctor Oogha Oogha jumped into the interaction and sternly addressed Damon, “Who are you? And, what are you doing here?”
“Me? I… Um…” I could practically see the wheels in his head furiously turning as he raced to unearth an excuse for arriving at this location, and it amused me to recognize that he hadn’t planned this venture out properly. Eventually, he gave it a shot, “Here’s the thing: I’m their boss, and I…” He espied the expression of disbelief on Doctor Oogha Oogha’s face, and he decided to abandon all pretense. “Ah, screw it!”
Damon dove for something under a microscope, but I managed to stop him by grabbing onto his mink cape and pulling him toward us. He unclasped it, but he couldn’t get far since I was close enough to wrap my arms around his abdomen, which rendered his upper limbs as useless. He strove to stomp on my feet, but he wound up losing his balance and took us both to the floor. He wriggled out of my grasp, but I grabbed onto one of his ankles. He could hardly move, so he cried out, “Why are you doing this? The Eye of Stonerac is here! You could complete your mission and destroy it right now! Don’t you have that meddlesome fiancé to go home to? Forget what I’m doing- get that Eye!”
I pointed out, “Maybe I would have already, but you never told us what the Eye is! Great plot, genius!”
“You want to destroy my Eye?” Doctor Oogha Oogha glimpsed at him in appall, and then he protectively stood before a primitive telescope. “Pastor Aage sent you, didn’t he? He keeps saying I’m playing God by studying the Heavens, but I’m doing a lot of good for humanity by examining the cosmos! For example, what if a comet hits Earth without warning? The results could be catastrophic!”
“Ugh! You dick!” I castigated Damon. “You were gonna destroy their planet? Why? We’re not even on the same timeline, so it wouldn’t have destroyed Terra Belle!”
Damon leered, “No! But, it would would’ve destroyed you to know you played a part in their demise!”
He cackled manically, and we resumed our struggle. He, unfortunately, was able to gain some traction, and as he dragged me along as he trudged forward, I advocated to the others, “Feel free to step in at any moment!”
Ginger and Ellie rushed toward the table he was heading to, but Damon grabbed the large reptile repellent and sprayed them. Doctor Oogha Oogha guided them to an eye-washing station, and our other travel companions seemed unsure of how else to proceed. “We could call the police!” Kamali suggested.
“And say what? A trespasser interrupted our efforts to destroy someone else’s property?” Kendra riposted.
“I got this!” J.J. seized a nearby broom and explained, “I was just going over how to throw javelins to my class too! …I’m an assistant P.E. coach at Julieth.”
This revelation made me bristle, but prior to me uttering a word about it, Ellie forewarned me, “Uh-uh! He’s helping, so you hush!” She mulled it over for a brief instance, and then she griped, “Hold on, how does our rival high school have the budget for teacher assistants?”
J.J. either didn’t hear her remark or chose to ignore it since remained in full concentration as he aimed the broom. He finally threw it, and it would’ve hit Damon perfectly if he hadn’t rolled out of the trajectory! Incidentally, it bounced off of the wall closest to his projection, and the fibers from the bottom hit me on the nose! I spat dust out of my mouth, and then Damon victoriously held a Rainbow Tektite in the air and declared, “I win!”
Instantly after he said that, a baby Sabertooth tiger emerged from behind some crates and roared at Damon! I’m fairly certain that most people wouldn’t have gotten the least bit intimidated by such a cute baby animal, but Damon is not most people! He emitted a high-pitched scream and jumped from fright. He lost his hold on the Rainbow Tektite, but he hardly paid attention to where it fell- he was cowering from it as if it was one of the prehistoric behemoths that sent after us! Personally, I found its growls and hisses adorable, but Damon fled from it like his life depended on it! We heard him lumbering down a staircase, and he bellowed, “The game isn’t over yet!”
“Oh, shut up, loser!” I called back. I guffawed as I imagined the grimace he must’ve bore upon receiving that slight, but I frowned slightly as a thought occurred to me. “Wait, there are stairs going from the outside? So, we didn’t need to go through the tropical garden of death to get here?”
“I really need to start locking that door!” Doctor Oogha Oogha noted as he picked the cub up and put it back in its cage.
Nick peeked at the rainbow Tektite in bafflement. “What’s so special about this rock anyways?”
I snatched the Rainbow Tektite out of his palm and snapped, “It’s not a rock! Well, it is, but…” I cut myself off when I remembered that a stranger was in the vicinity. “It’s nothing!”
“Uh, I have some questions…” Doctor Oogha Oogha relayed to us.
“Yeah, I’m sure you do!” Natalia responded. “But unfortunately, we don’t have a lot of time for explanations! We left a bunch of individuals in the jungle, so we should really go check on them!”
While we dashed out, Osra jovially bade him, “Thanks for the help! We appreciate it!” Doctor Oogha Oogha clearly wanted to reply to that, but we left prior to him getting to speak to us anymore.
Preceding our return to the jungle, I felt nervous about what condition the luggage store patrons might have been in. I pictured that they would have been rattled from contending with whatever creatures or conditions they had to endure, but what I couldn’t have predicted they’d be doing was… “That’s right, folks! It’s the bargain of a lifetime!” A cave woman pointed to an image of a stoney apartment complex, and the luggage store patrons listened to her intently. “It won’t last forever though, so buy immediately or you might miss your chance!”
We stood there stunned by this development for a minute, and then one of the patrons became aware of our entrance to this locale and articulated, “Hey! It’s the dude in charge!” He ran up to our group and beseeched me, “Can you get us some money?”
I let out an exasperated exhale, and I was too flabbergasted to formulate what to say back! Luckily, Jasper took the reins by nudging Cricket and encouraging her, “Go get her!”
Cricket marched over to the saleswoman and demanded, “Do you have a permit to sell in this territory?” The saleswoman sputtered but didn’t have an answer, so Cricket berated her, “How dare you perform an illegal operation on us! There’s a reason these rules exist! If we didn’t obey the law, the world would erupt into pure chaos…” Cricket continued to castigate her as she packed her belongings, and she didn’t quit until she was well out of our proximity.
“You jerks! We were interested in learning more!” another luggage store patron accosted us.
“Sigh! Let’s do this before I give into the temptation of leaving these jagoffs in the Stone Age!” I pulled out the Rainbow Tektite and requested, “Please, take us back to the Earthly realm!” Not everyone was happy to see the vortex appear, but I ignored their objections knowing that, in a few seconds, their memory of this would get completely obliterated.
A clerk glanced around at his array of suitcases and related accessories, and he assessed, “Eh, I don’t think we’re gonna get anyone else. What do you say we close early today?”
After he turned to his coworker at the register, her eyes went wide as a giant thump was felt. He turned back around and nearly fainted when there was suddenly a store full of shoppers! The patrons seemed confused by why he gawked at them like that, and one of them probed, “What?”
After blinking in addlement, the clerk posed to his coworker, “Didn’t they all leave when we were doing inventory?” His coworker shrugged.
Nick repulsively took off the caveman-looking vest, and J.J. concurred with his sentiments, “Good choice! …Why do I suddenly feel like canceling javelin practice?”
Phoebe tittered, but Roxy sat beside her with a very unamused expression. I rather entertainedly regarded her, “Don’t expect me to apologize!”
“You spoiled another one of my poor Damon’s plots, didn’t you?” Roxy seethed.
“No! This was a totally normal occurrence!” I sardonically stated.
Roxy got incensed by my gibe. “You won’t always be able to trick me with non-existent monsters! I’m gonna tag along for one of your disappearances, and I’ll upend your interference with my true love’s scheme! Did you view me as relentless previously? Well, you haven’t seen anything yet! Just you wait! Nothing will stop me!”
A man with a square haircut, glasses, and a white lab coat yelled, “Roxy? There you are! If you don’t come home now, you’ll be grounded for an entire month!”
I couldn’t resist chuckling at this unfolding! Roxy glowered at me and avowed, “This changes nothing! I’ll be back!” She began to storm off, and then she swiveled around to convey to Phoebe, “Thanks for the lotion, Miss Caracy!”
Ellie, Ginger, and I gazed at Phoebe in surprise, so she elucidated, “I was trying to figure out where you were, and the guy at the kiosk over there wouldn’t tell me anything unless I bought one of his crappy products!”
“I remember lecturing him!” Cricket abruptly recollected. “But, I don’t remember why I stopped! And, why am I here?”
“What? You don’t remember going to the…?” Miriam attempted to jog her memory. She saw Ellie, Ginger, Phoebe, and me vigorously shaking our heads, so she fibbed, “You were gonna go speak with the manager of the mall about him.”
Cricket accepted that rationale, “That sounds like something I’d do! See you all later!” As she walked toward an office, she clutched her stomach and muttered, “Blah! I shouldn’t have gotten that smoothie!”
I perked up at that notion. Damon’s ally was lipping his realm-traveling victims Rainbow Tektite shards into something consumable, and she drank a smoothie that made her nauseous? While I couldn’t work out how the culprit successfully snuck that feat into such a public place, it did seem connected! Someone from Rosemary King High must have known I was going to visit this establishment, and they sought out someone connected to the school to lure me into the portal! I truly believed I was close to rooting out the perpetrator, and all I had to do was ask her where she bought her beverage! I sped to catch up to her, but then…
“Assistance, please!” Mrithan wailed.
“No! Not now!” I moaned. It annoyed me to have to come to his aid when I was on the brink of discovering a vital clue to this cumbersome mystery, but then it dawned on me that discussing it with my prime suspect might have been better…
When I shifted to face him, I expected him to have gotten himself tangled up in some contraption as usual, but instead, he stood there in a totally normal semblance! He leaned in and communicated in a low tone, “If Imelda talks to you about where I went, can you make up an excuse for why I went home? We went on a date, and… well, she’s pretty boring! Apparently, she’s teaching The Scarlet Letter, and the author’s related to a famous villain, so now all she wants to do is discuss genealogy! I can’t do that for obvious reasons, so we were just kinda sitting there…”
Once I got over the fact that two unlikely candidates for a relationship became an item, I wracked my brain to acquire a method of connecting this discourse to my mission. All I could produce though was… “Say, were you hanging by the smoothie stand prior to meeting her?”
Mrithan’s eyebrows furrowed, and I waited for his story in anticipation. Was it sheer coincidence that he arranged for a romantic rendezvous right where Cricket got her tainted drink? Preceding Mrithan uttering a word, Imelda’s voice rang out, “Mrithan?” He zipped out of sight, and I lamented my luck in this scenario. Imelda approached me and inquired, “Have you seen Mrithan?”
I couldn’t think of how to reply, but then I noticed that she was slurping a smoothie! I instinctively slapped it from her hand, and when she ogled me in a peculiar fashion, I could see how odd that would appear out of context! I blurted the first idea on how to handle this that emanated from my gut, “Mrithan doesn’t want a second date!” I sensed heavy emotions emerging from her, so I fled the scene. I instantly regretted my behavior because it got me nowhere close to a solution to these tedious misadventures, but it was too late now!
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